Number: 66316.10.
Series: Hydrogen, Carbon, Silicon, Iron, Silver series, Lanthanides; emphasis on Silicon series.
Clades: Portulacaceae; Portulacales; Caryophyllidae; Asteranae; Angiospermae.
Phase: 1; Subphase: 6.
Stage: 10.
Culture: food, fodder, for people, elephants.
Introduction
They are alone, having lost many relatives and friends. They feel they have to do a job, have to go on on their path, but they don't know where it leads too and how long it will take. They have to be careful with their reserves as they may have to go on for long. They can feel contact with others, in their inner world, without talking. They have an aversion to speak, prefer to stay in their silence. They can feel their is no outside world, being alone in their own inner world. They have an aversion to conversation, to be questioned. It is like pioneers in a strange world, where they are alone together with other stingers and have to find a place where they can root. They can feel responsible for others who are on the same path, but have an aversion to take on that responsibility as it will take their own reserves. They have to survive on their own, preventing starvation, exhaustion.
Mind
Aversion: talking, speaking.
Awkward, lack of subtlety.
General
Aversion: food, drinks.
Body
Vertigo, < closing eyes.
Discussion
Silence, complete; no contact to the outer world, like living statues.
A fence; almost impossible about thinking of an outside world, a strange thing, a strange world.
A kind of shiver; there might be another world?
Just being busy, much has to be done; just work; not necessarily well done.
Comfortable alone, in company, better to stay together.
Irritated, upset, by laughter, by questioning.
Left from starvation, all the others are dead; we survived, we have to survive; we must stay. Primitive settlers who haven't found a place. We just survive here together.
It is important to go on.
Botanical: the plant made roots within a day; pioneer.
Analysis
Lanthanides: connection in inner world; strange; self-reliant.
Silicon series: connections; family.
Phase 1: alone, silent, not talking; not having connections, without family; pioneer; strange. Subphase 6: deprivation, hardship; you have to survive, so you narrow yourself.
Stage 10: just; just work; no despair, no hard or bad feelings.
Proving
Trituration proving, 2-10-2012, Kenton on sea.
Prover 13: Within seconds there was silence. No contact to outer world. Just being busy, intensely triturating: Much has to be done; just work; not necessarily well done.
Prover 11: makes regularly remarks.
Prover 2 repeatedly, in a soothing way, says "It is alright, it is OK".
Prover 15: complete silence; just handed me the book; did not talk.
Prover 13: Prover 2 was working so hard. We worked exactly according the time limits, no time spilled.
Prover 15: like living statues.
Prover 7: It was comfortable; alone, but the other two are also alone, so it was comfortable; hearing laughter irritated.
We did not talk, not a word.
We were upset about Prover 15 questioning.
Prover 13: I wanted to move, needed to make up a story to be able to leave our table. I could not, I had to sit and obey the atmosphere: do note move, do not speak, just focus on our little world and on the work. Introverted, motionless; feels alright; not moving, just being together gives structure. And the clock. Nothing else provides form, structure or rest. Still want to move, though.
Prover 13: After a while I allow myself to look around me a bit, carefully. First at the branches of a tree beside me, at the plants near the table. And I hear more, coming out of a secluded atmosphere. Can only write in my own language; English is to far away for me. There is a fence; almost impossible about thinking of an outside world. A kind of shiver; there might be another world? We have to stay together; primitive settlers who haven't found a place? We just survive here together.
Prover 7: left from starvation, all the others are dead; we survived, we have to survive; I must stay. Prover 7: What am I doing? Glimpse of Patricia: Just go on, it is important.
Prover 2
After the first 4 minutes of trituration, I close my eyes, for better concentration? But have to reopen them immediately because of vertigo, „Drehschwindel“. Opening the eyes again lets it disappear at once. Retried this twice, happens again.
While triturating, I hear monotonous music, like humming and low drumming and moderate stamping of feet. African dancers. Am I that much suggestible? We are in Africa. I like the sound, I stay in the rhythm, changing the motion of the pistil changes the music. I follow the music and rhythm.
Scraping puts an end to the music.
Prover 7
First irritated by noise.
Anxious, alert.
We triturating, insects sting my leg; it feels irritated; it became very heavy.
A poor region where many people died by starvation. I had to survive. The feeling as if a concentration heavy.
Heavy, sad, taking care for the survival of others.
Prover 2
I am afraid of spilling anything. Am I just greedy? Don't spill anything, otherwise you will be going to miss it later. You would not be able to reach your destination. Find your rhythm, do not exhaust yourself. Move in your best rhythm, keep your things together (especially drinks or water), it might be a long way to go.
Silence. I am so glad, I do not have to talk. It would cost energy. I do not know how much energy I will need for my way. Save energy. It is a question of survival. Keep your strength. Just put one foot in front of the other.
Music has gone. I am concentrating on my muscles, on the tension, nothing should be too tight or contracted. This would cost energy.
It is necessary to walk. No question of fun or sadness or any other sentiment/feeling. Find your rhythm, then it will be okay.
Prover 7
Completely without contact, no possibility to escape.
Stitches in my left breast.
I am laughing because at my side there are also two lonely boys, we have to do it on our own. But because I knew they were there, I could do it easier.
I am thirsty, but cannot drink. I am hungry but cannot eat. Sounds around me disturb me.
Everything around me is dead.
Only some little insect lives. The only thing that helps me is that I know that there is some togetherness with the other two. Even if each f us is in his own world.
It is conformable to be in, but also a bit out of life.
Prover 13
I almost can not utter that I wish to be freed, for example by Prover 14 when he comes to take care of the new potency of the proving. When I do mention it I feel my skin tingling, like excitement: I said it! And and the same time shocked, you cannot say this, it is so forbidden to even think about the world outside! So much, that I cannot even write the word "World" here.
I come in a fast trituration, triturating fast and hard: 'It has to, work on!", monomaniac, tight-lipped. Hard but not effective nor efficient, no tact: only rubbing the bottom of the mortar, not the sugar on the sides. Work because of the work, not for any result though. Probably there is some anger behind it, because you only are allowed to do this. You are only allowed to do this, only allowed to be here. Closed in in this life, not allowed to look outside of this life, no notion of a world outside of this one.
Every now and then the hard work shifts into awkwardness: the trituration in circles disappears and there is only rugged, angular trituration; even crosswise, oblique moving the pestle. Is it a burnout, is it anger? I feel the tension in my chest, my ribs because of this command to work.
Prover 2
Watching Prover 13, I am afraid he will exhaust himself and I will have to carry him the rest of the way. Fortunately, he finds his rhythm soon afterwards. My trituration is going a bit easier now; more light is here. Nevertheless, I have to move forward. This is not correct: It is not a question of MUST, it is just what the actual situation is like.
I do not feel alone. I have company. I do not see them, but I feel they are around. This is neither good nor bad, it is just as it is.
Without talking, I feel we are one the same track.
I do not have to talk. A small piece of banana, that is almost all I needed for now. (Usually, I am quite hungry at that time of the day).
Please, do not ask why I am walking here. I would not be able to tell. It is completely okay to be on this walk. I am moving on.
Prover 7
I must concentrate to be alive, not find it too comfortable to be dead.
It is coming into my mind that I have to take care of myself.
To be grounded and not too concerned about my environment.
Little insects inters me, I feel more relaxed.
The realisation in your own world, that others have their world; I don't have to escape my own world.
Also the laughing of Prover 4 doesn't disturb me anymore.
Yawning a lot, relief, I can survive on my own.
Patricia came in: go on, it is important.
I can survive, I don't ask myself so ouch anymore, I feel strong.
Prover 13
The trituration has changed; I only can turn the pestle smoothly, softly. I almost caress the sugar; it is like just touching, sensing. Like the sensuality of a four-year old boy. At that age you were still allowed to encounter, to sense. You did not have to work at that age, nor to be hard and unaffected. Far away I sense grief. Masculinity probably starts with us at the age of five! So I just feel, not clock, time that determines every move, no force to be active all your life. When I wrote this Prover 2 and Prover 7 where softened about a caterpillar, "Would it become a butterfly?!". I think: we are together, tender and together.
Later I sense some playfulness in me, creativity. In the bowl with the sugar the pestle forms petals, one after each other forming beautiful flowers of sugar. "Look mother (I made) a flower!!". Even when scratching the bowl I make flowers on the bottom of the mortar. Only short time, because then It was my task again to scratch: flowers disappearing behind efficient scratch-marks.
Prover 2
You are asking why I am walking here? You think like a white man. You want to know the answer before the end. Maybe you will have the answer at the end of the way. Maybe earlier, maybe not. If this is your way, just walk it. If it is not, return. But stop asking questions there is no answer to.
I do not need a question, I do not need an answer. It is okay to We will know if any of us will need anything.
Silence? There is no silence as long as we think.
With these thoughts, I realise I am not a white person; at least, I am not thinking as one.
I hope this way goes further on, no matter where it will end nor when.
Prover 2
I am not hungry. But I will eat as soon as Prover 13 will hand me over the bowl of soup. I will take just some and pass it on to Prover 7.
Prover 13
Prover 7 is triturating; I rise from my seat, first time! And I walk one meter and a half to the fence. Incredible. And I touch it, sense it, examine it; then look at the other fence, five meter away, to far. I yawn, relax. I realise that I go away from the proving-atmosphere, I dare to go to the fence and relax a little in stead of serious work.
The idea of settlers, introverted, in a secluded little valley. Do not attack any attention.
When I triturate Prover 2 simply walks away! To get something from his cabin, five meters away. No explanation, no word, just steps out of the group! Just before entering he turns around, very aware, smiling apologisingly.
I too rise, want to leave the trituration, find a place in the dim sun; I feel cold. I am at the same fence again, am completely on my own: lovely. I turn the pestle lightly, playful and like examining it. It feels like me and my joyful handling the pestle, away from the group. A pity that I have to stop, must go back in the group, in the discipline.
Prover 7 yawns; just like a minute ago. Is she relaxing, away from the hardship?
Prover 2 is still working quite hard, not very subtle to.
I long to talk about the proving when it is over (!). What we experienced. But hardly dare to think about it; you should not do such a thing, It is violating the rules: you cannot talk about feelings, about hardship and other worlds.
I take a sip water, after some hesitation. I hold it in my mouth for one or even two minutes.
Prover 2
Still walking; found the rhythm; not much more to say. You are still questioning, I can hear you. My answer is still the same: just walking my way.
I am not only cautious about my energy and reserves, but also of my fellows. This is getting clearer. We are walking the same path, not necessarily together from A, Z. As long as we share the same path, we look after each other. Still: without talking. We think, that is more connection than talking. To talk is even a risk. Not the entire information may be transferred. Others will listen and so take some of the thoughts away with them. So the receiver of my thoughts will not get all of it What a weird idea is that?!?
We are all three cautious about keeping our strength, I can feel that: We still do not talk. Will the way be so much exhausting? Or are we just afraid we won't make it? Yet I do not feel any anxiety.
Prover 13
I am in the old pattern again: just turning the pistil. I notice that I, still, do not do it effectively, just turning in a circle, not the whole of the mortar. Slowly the insight grows that I could do it otherwise: I can put more of 'me' in it. Then it comes into an other dimension, more sensed in its totality, as a part of me.