3-655.27.14 Triumfetta bogotensis
Introduction
They are in a family that looks harmonious and perfect. But there are strong tensions. For instance the husband can have an extra matrimonial relationship and his wife is very jealous, wanting to kill her adversary. Or a mother wanting to kill, her child when her husband has left her.
But on the outside everything seems quiet, flat, indifferent.
Mind
Trying to fulfill responsibilities, the image.
Fragile.
Doubt, feeling split.
Theme: danger, murder, killing, suffocating, choking. strangling.
Tenacious, thready.
You become what you do not trust.
Body
Throat: oesophagus cancer.
Stomach: pain, indigestion.
Abdomen pain, inflammation.
3-655.27.14 Triumfetta bogotensis
Proving: trituration proving; Dos Brazos, Costa Rica; 10-3-2016.
Provers: Prover 2 female, 50’s; 1, Prover 2 male, 60’s; Prover 3 female, 50’s.
Report: Gaby Swoboda.
C1
Prover 1: Before proving (during the meditation); feeling of violence; I kept seeing a vision of a woman in Russia who was from Uzbekistan.
It was rumored that her husband had taken a new wife. He said she could be his second wife. She came back to Russia and suffocated the child she had looked after for 2 years, cut off the child’s head and brought it in a bag to a metro station. She was crazy.
Then I felt I needed the protection of a man and I chose Prover 2 who sat next to me. Then Prover 3 looked at me, she made a sharp, loud noise by killing a mosquito and I thought she shot me for taking her husband.
While we were walking back from the place where we took some twigs of the plant.
Prover 2: I was walking in front keeping my distance. Once I was whistling (a calling to us); My feeling was like a kind of a father, head of a family obliged to take care of both of you.
I had these twigs in my hands, they are getting very weak quickly.
I was supporting the twigs, saying: lay down your head in my hands.
There was music in these words, it’s going this way but we are together.
The two behind are the ones who survived this sad thing which had happened before. Now we are left; just the three of us. “We three, we are left”. Someone is missing; the one I told to lay his head in my hand..
Prover 2 told this story at the beginning of the trituration. Afterwards he said to Prover 2 and 3: “Thank you for listening!”, very polite and gracious.
This politeness has a background, it’s like a duty that feels like guilt.
Being a Macho, being a leader, is a burden; I have the full responsibility. Responsibility for you two. It has to do with someone sick or dying; the heaviness comes from there; heaviness comes from the responsibility of not fulfilling your duty; helplessness, if you lay your head in my hands you will be safe.
It’s not a sudden death, more like withering away. I knew there is no rescue possible. Carrying the plant, the feeling that I went to a hospice.
Prover 2 (writing): Prover 1 gives the story of the racehorse “Administrator”.
Prover 1: The plant in the bowl has still a brown color, color of death, you can never wash the color off your hands once you let down someone; being a person of your word, you let someone down.
You had to leave your home, your land, you were the reluctant leader, not a strong leader, otherwise you wouldn’t have made false promises.
Looking at the plant: A leaf is coming out of the bark: it shouldn’t, it’s not natural; to be a leader without resources, you make mistakes.
While walking with the plant in his hands, Prover 2 was checking if he walked macho-like, leader-like; not for show, but for fulfilling the task; others should rely on the leader. If they give good feedback, a leader stays in his position.
Prover 1 (writing, Prover 2 talking): I add to the former situation I am not a leader to an anonymous group, it’s a family. This person I brought was someone related to us.
Prover 1 talking: I feel that we are young sisters. Prover 2 is lost in deep grief, like someone who made a false promise to someone and did not dare to tell the outcome of the situation to.
Maybe our mother, a matriarch, who held the whole family together and held you (Prover 2) together. The story before the story: it’s a story of violence.. You are killing with a machete.
Prover 2: Violence in the family.
Prover 1: The stain on it cannot leave you.
Prover 2: I try really hard to rip it off in the trituration, I’m really trying hard. I took the twig and I felt like I was going to suffocate.
Prover 2: We had put the twigs in a glass of water, now Prover 2 took one out: amazing, how tenacious the mucous is, up to 10 cm it holds the drop before it falls. Prover 2’s arm gets tired, but I still hold it, hold it until the pictures are made.
Hold on; tightly; hold on to what is left.
Prover 1: What did Prover 2 see, what violence in the family? We were in a colony, maybe Kenya? We had a farm, Prover 2’s parents had a farm there. F had a young wife, who was depending. People came with machetes, killed the whole family, in a violent slaughter.
Prover 2 was a strong macho man, but the slaughter left him defenseless.
Then he met a young wife, he had two daughters, then she died and Prover 2 had to try to regain inner strength, responsibility.
Feeling: cannot really protect daughters, became overprotective.
Or: Jews (WW2) dying in concentration camp, gas, shot, slaughtered.
Survivors feel guilty. Prover 1 feels like having cancer in the whole throat down to the stomach, can hardly breathe.
What does the mucous tell us?
You can never get the taste out of your mouth, also: that things die.
Some day, that others may live. Those who are living should not live a death.
Another message: protection is an illusion. What motivates us to protect? What’s the problem?
C2
Prover 2: You become overprotective when you lose trust in what happens in life.
In the Amazon jungle there is a tribe who do not read or write. They let their children learn themselves. If a child cuts itself, they laugh.
They believe in the natural order. The healthy survive, in mind, body, soul.
That’s the opposite of what is happening in me, I have completely lost trust. I did not trust that you could look after yourselves.
The feeling that I always had to carry a gun. He wanted to protect. knowing that of all cases when a firearm is used it’s used against someone in the house.
Prover 1: “What you don’t trust you become.”.
If you become a victim you will attract that.
Prover 3 ate a part of the plant and now feels numbness in her mouth as if had been to the dentist, feels like from a hit, and afterwards.
Prover 3: I don’t feel I did anything wrong. I was at the wrong place by accident. Maybe I wanted to help someone out of danger and at this moment I got hit. I reacted; when you see someone who steps off the path and a car is coming, maybe the mirror of the car hit me, no one to blame, it happened.
Prover 1: It has softness and endurance.
I don’t want to say it while Jan was here).
Violence within the family?! Keep it in the family.
What to keep/hide in the family, what to show to the outside?
We are here and try not to be violent. Overpolite, overprotective.
Not to inflict any harm, because it had been done already.
No spontaneity!, neither in the macho, nor in the young ones.
Behaving!
Prover 2: That’s what you were taught to say if you had a hematoma, you have to say you were hit by a car. It’s violence within the family that is covered up.
Prover 1: You hit her because you did not feel strong enough as a man. You have a frustration from an inner weakness of not being able to protect.
Prover 2: The family sticks together in their secrets.
Prover 1: Violence begets violence.
Prover 3 I got this aggression because I could not hit back, so I saved it within myself.
Prover 2: And some day you take the gun.. Shooting is never a reflex.
Prover 1: Story about rape and murder in Galway: everyone blamed the guy who raped and murdered. But Prover 1 thinks: the guy did not start as evil, once he was a young innocent child.
Prover 3 still suffers from the “hit”, denied that her father had hit her.
Prover 1 tells about the horse whisperer Buck Brannaman; he was forced by his violent father to do roping tricks (with his brother). Their mother died of cancer when he was 10. Some day, his teacher saw the marks on his back, from his father’s beatings. He was taken to foster care, where he did not communicate with people, but with horses. Now with his wife and daughter, but not with other people. His foster mother was like his mother to him, she was the one who protected him. For the first time in his life he felt safe. His real mother did not protect her children and died of cancer. Throat cancer; you cannot talk and tell.
Takes time to enter this story, deep grief, but no tears. Crying, mucous.
When children cry, tenacious saliva drops - like it comes out of the twig.
Lumps in throat with grief; which is still well hidden.
Adding to the story of the Horse Whisperer: his father was not a real provider, “not a real man”, insecure, unsure.
C3
Prover 2: Coming here some heaviness came upon me from the throat.
Prover 1: I have a stone in my breast, I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy.
Prover 2: What have I done? You are so far away. The one (family member?) I brought to the hospice also suffered from family violence.
Prover 4: Crowd,not homogeneous, they look for strength, to the statue of liberty, but this is fixed, rigid why look up, why needing a leader?
Young ones trust, keep distance, not engaging with the father, how does that feel? Earlier father was not a leader, almost ignored him, there is a numbness in the children, how does it feel to ignore the father?.
He was not a provider, he never took a father’s position; he is a nothing; like a father coming home from war, traumatized; mother was strong, distance and disintegration.
Back to the very beginning of the proving: Prover 1 gave the story about a nanny coming home from Russia, her partner said she could stay as his second wife; she lost her mind, killed the child she had been taken care of.
Prover 1 and 3 “stay under the radar”: they do not show up, in order not to experience violence.
The facilitator is doubting Phase 7, because the father did not want to kill.
The thing was: lack of manhood, not being a leader, so lanthanide?
I can’t feel for this man. Toothache started for 2 minutes.
You don’t react, because you are not allowed to face what happened. You don’t cry.
Prover 3: I knew you are not strong, so it will not go that far.
Prover 2: As a hitting father what should I do, take drugs, drink. I don’t feel.
Feeling brings up awareness, if I don’t feel I don’t need to be aware.
It would help to take something which prevents me from feeling. I don’t want to show anything. My only concern is hiding. If I’m not a real man, no one should know about it.
Prover 1: There’s a carbon theme: about father, empty, hiding and children under.
the radar.
What do children want from this father? Prover 3 wants to feel safe; sticks to sister; Prover 1: I want you to let us out of the jail.
Prover 2 is in prison himself; he denies feeling that children will choose a.
man like their father. Children: maybe we are not strong enough.
like the plant: grows in the sun, but does not look strong; even lots of water do not help.
The “children” say, they would experience the lack of love: “But you get presents all the time!”, Prover 2 says, helplessly.
But if we disliked those presents, the “girls” say..
Your presents were just showing to the outside world, they say.
Prover 1: “We are worthless because you are worthless.”.
(If a child says this to a father like this one, it either gets hit or it will be disinherited).
Prover 1 and 3: We are numb, like dead, like zombies.
Analysis of the Remedy code
Stage 14: maintaining, pretending.
Phase 2: insecure, under the radar.
Phase 7: violence.
655? strong element of how to be in a society.
655.37.14.
Prover 2 added: He felt to live in a society where a real man has to be strong, or at least to pretend to be, e.g. in a South American country. The society rules wouldn’t let a man be the weak part.
Discussion
Prover 1 starts with the nanny’s story, slaughtering the child she had been taking care of. Needed a man. Prover 3 was killing flies during the meditation. This sudden sharp sound made Prover 1 feeling as if shot by Prover 3.
When picking the plant, we met a man telling the story about the plant: you take a branch in water, and after an hour you can drink it, it is good for stomach and bowels, he said.
Prover 2’s politeness was over the top. Supported the plant, meaning someone severely ill could rely on this promise; like: lay down your head, I will take care of you; but this was a lie, he couldn’t, bringing the one to a hospice.
Prover 3 ate the plant, felt numbness around her lower jaw. Prover 2 was drinking, almost choked from the plant’s twig, Prover 1 had put in the glass. Prover 2 held the little stem up, and - surprise - the slime was long. What happened to you?, Prover 2 asked Prover 3. She gave a story, but the truth was that F had hit his own daughter Prover 3 badly. And not for the first time.
Prover 2 refused to tell the Facilitator a thing, being afraid of giving Facilitator insight into him.
Prover 1 tells the story about Buck Buchanan, the father-abused horse whisperer.
Prover 2 hit his child, because he felt his masculinity challenged. Emasculation, castration.
If such a person feels challenged in his manhood, he reacts violently. Arms at home. Shootings are mostly within the family.
No relation; “but I buy you presents all the time I return home”, the father says.
“If I am not a real man, no one is allowed to know about it.”.
stage 14: not responding, living deads.
Grewiaceae. Shot because of an affair: triangular (3); so killed (7). 3 and 7. Same with the nanny-story.
Silver series? F felt being a macho in a society (Latin America? See the plant’s name and origin) in which it was vital to be a macho - a man who is in control. And if he isn’t, he has to pretend he is. F felt like looking in the mirror if he had the right posture, if he walked like a real macho, in order to be accepted as one.
Prover 4’’s politeness was over the top. Supported the plant, meaning someone severely ill could rely on this promise; like: lay down your head, I will take care of you; but this was a lie, he couldn’t, bringing the one to a hospice.
Gaby ate the plant, felt numbness around her lower jaw. F was drinking, almost choked from the plant’s twig, Marie had put in the glass. F held the little stem up, and - surprise - the slime was long. What happened to you?, F asked G. She gave a story, but the truth was that F had hit his own daughter G. badly. And not for the first time.
F refused to tell Jan a thing, being afraid of giving Jan insight into him.
Marie tells the story about Buck Buchanan, the father-abused horse whisperer.
F hit his child, because he felt his masculinity challenged. Emasculation, castration.
If such a person feels challenged in his manhood, he reacts violently. Arms at home. Shootings are mostly within the family.
No relation; “but I buy you presents all the time I return home”, the father says.
“If I am not a real man, no one is allowed to know about it.”.
stage 14: not responding, living deads.
Grewiaceae. Shot because of an affair: triangular (3); so killed (7). 3 and 7. Same with the nanny-story.
Silver series? F felt being a macho in a society (Latin America? See the plant’s name and origin) in which it was vital to be a macho - a man who is in control. And if he isn’t, he has to pretend he is. F felt like looking in the mirror if he had the right posture, if he walked like a real macho, in order to be accepted as one.
They look for a centre, an image, a goal to go for. But they end up fighting for a fixed statue, lacking life.