3-644.22.10 Byrsonima crassifolia
Introduction
They feel like an orphan that does not belong to anyone. In order to be accepted to behave very cheerful. They feel unseen, not emotionally nurtured. Their parents can be very correct, strict and caring physically, but are absent emotionally. This situation can arise in parents who have lost a child and are absorbed in their own grief. They cannot see the grief of their children and spouse anymore.
Mind
Parents very structured; but unfeeling, separated by pain and grief.
Siblings accusing each other, offending and offended, neglected, not seen.
Parents not emotionally involved.
Feeling a scapegoat, not part of the family.
“Glory is temporary, pain is forever”.
Always need supporting.
Fought for it, hard, was very difficult.
Theme: misunderstanding, not valued or respected; recognition, worth, value.
Theme: colors; 4 or 5.
Body
Nose: smell soft.
Mouth: taste.
Background
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byrsonima_crassifolia
http://10degreesabove.com/nance-and-chicha-de-nance
3-644.22.10 Byrsonima crassifolia
Proving: trituration proving; Dos Brazos, Costa Rica; 7-3-2016.
Provers: Prover 1 female; 60’s; Prover 2 female 60’s; Prover 3, female 50’s; Prover 4 mal, 60’s; Prover 5, male, 60’s; Prover 6, female, 40’s.
Report: Franz Swoboda.
Start
(unwritten, but well remembered:) When Prover 6 provides us with the plant and the bowl, Prover 3 looks at her T-shirt, saying: “Pain is temporary, Glory is forever.” The T-shirt was for a sports-competition, meaning: it may be painful, doing sports, but the pain will leave you while the “glory” for having gone through, the prize, will stay forever.
Prover 3 said: “For me it is the other way round: Glory is ephemeral, but pain stays forever.”.
Colors; orange in yellow; Mark Rothko; color changes during trituration; plant vanishes quickly; tender smell; each one wants to hold a flower.
Prover 2 broke a twig with the flowers in three stages, kisses it. Prover 3 had asked, who wants which twig, and broke them all without emotion, surprisingly unemotionally.
C1
Circle of life; all stages visible like seasons. We sit around a stony round table, closed and silent. Prover 3 feels respect; Prover 3 triturates zealously. Prover 3 is silent, very much within herself.
Talk about colors, patterns, order; plant expresses itself; pentagram.
Prover 3 feels her hypogastrium, bladder, uterus, like a drawing, tearing feeling; duality: male/female.
easily offended, on small irritations.
Prover 3: Yesterday, when I saw the plant, I decided to prove it. Today, I picked it without emotions. As if it was just for use.
Prover 3: it hurts me, when you say this; I want this plant being treated with respect.
Prover 3: I like it, Prover 4, that you share my sensitiveness.
Prover 3: Feels like mother-father-child; child must be protected, otherwise it will be grounded. Mother/Father/Child; Trinity.
Prover 1: 3, 4 and 5 is in the plant.
Prover 2: not necessarily male/female, but two women who want a child or already have one.
Prover 1: calm; tender emotions; cannot but triturate gently; have to take care that all and everything stays together; not by force; one direction at a time; a caring mother; triturating means keeping together; doing things together, experience together; leading by example.
Prover 3: timid, cautious.
Prover 1: not me.
Green-yellow-orange: like the colors on Prover 2s dress.
Prover 3: A lion watches the puppies, so they are safe.
It starts raining. We are looking for shelter.
Prover 3: enormously sensitive. Feels unprotected.
Prover 3: Togetherness.
Prover 2: and Prover 3 play together; H joins them.
Prover 5 feels like the father; had taken the bowl from Prover 5, decided to start the trituration.
Prover 1 feels like the mother.
Prover 3 feels great respect for Prover 1 She had chosen F as her partner.
Prover 3 thinks she is the smallest child, imagines Prover 2: to be her tricky older sister.
Prover 3 is a jealous child; likes her brother (H) more than her sister (I).
In Prover 2 things mingle; in real life, she was the youngest and Prover 3 was the oldest in their families.
Prover 3 feels Prover 2: to be mean to her.
Prover 3 does not feel the meanness.
Prover 1: stop finally, all of you, she says to the children.
Prover 3 is happy that Prover 1 takes care of this girly stuff.
Prover 1: You chose a good woman, didn’t you?
Prover 3 agrees.
Prover 3 triturates; imagines oestrogen and testosterone.
Prover 3: Am I already capable of writing? Prover 1 takes us for a trip. Prover 2 looks at me arrogantly.
Prover 2 thinks Prover 3 is also a father, but he considers himself being a child.
Prover 3: He is my brother (stressing that he belongs to her more than he should belong to I.).
In Prover 3 the feeling of responsibility grows.
Prover 2 and Prover 3 feel ignored. Prover 2 says she doesn’t even know how it feels to be noticed.
Prover 1 feels like cats’ autonomy; you take care, you observe, but you don’t play with them.
Prover 3 feels provoked by the way Prover 2 looks at her; but feels too weak and small to take it up with her.
Prover 3 and 2 start reproaching each other vigorously. They accuse each other to be full of oneself.
Prover 2 says she cannot express herself, nobody would listen to her.
Prover 2 to H.: Put away your camera!
Prover 2 feels threatened by Prover 3’s aggression, feels anxious, claims, that Prover 3 twists her every word.
Prover 2 refuses sisterhood-stuff and being made a scapegoat, she wants to be individual. Feels violated, accused, making her sad and helpless. She fears to be misunderstood, wants to be understood.
Prover 3 understands Prover 2 very well, she says. Prover 2 dislikes Prover 4 to manage. “Are you the boss here, or what?”, she says, “I don’t like that.”.
Prover 1: We are dealing with quarrels here and aggression, with being misunderstood.
Prover 3: like Prover 2, she had experienced mortifications.
Prover 1: we are on the way to individualize.
Prover 2: feels excluded, misunderstood, unloved. Everyone would interrupt her, although all are inviting her to talk. She feels differently than the others. As if something had been imposed on her. Being forced to be part of this family, making her sad. She has to fight to be understood.
Prover 7 is supervising: You remember similar situations in your life?
Prover 2: Yes, but I am unable to describe. Jealousy has to to with this plant. She could feel that just by regarding the plant.
Prover 7: What could be the reason?
Prover 2: I want to do something to get over the sadness. Being appreciated would help. Anything underneath the sadness? Don’t know.
Prover 7: What could be underneath loneliness, being interrupted?
Prover 2: like an orphan; scapegoat; black sheep, others project onto this one. There is always a scapegoat in a family.
Prover 3: loss of love with longing for love.
Prover 3: helpless; feels I’ s pain, wants her to be with us.
Prover 2 wants to be hugged, an idea Prover 3 likes.
Prover 1 writes, feels not involved. At first, it was about taking care, now it is about rising and becoming equal.
Jan: An orphan, merry, but grief underneath, hides the grief, out of fear not being acknowledged.
Prover 1 feels like an orphan, because she had joined the already formed group.
Finally, Prover 2 and Prover 3 hug each other, thanking each other.
C2
Still about the sisters-stuff. Parents keep somehow distant.
Prover 1: Rigidity loosens, sadness comes, more feeling now. Heavy heart. Sadness.
I know what I wanted, Prover 1 says, I tried to keep the children together, but I failed. No one notices that it went wrong. I tried so hard.
Prover 2: But it is okay.
Prover 1: But I did not succeed. I will never spend so much feeling again. It was like total dedication, an extreme intense feeling. Deep breath. Shattered. If I experience a shock, I feel icy cold, unfeeling, but deep responsibility.
Prover 3 felt not enough sheltered by mother (M).
Prover 5 to Prover 1: I feel with you, I even feel what you intend to say, before you say it. But, addressing the “children”: I do not feel with you so much. I do not empathize with your siblings’ dramas.
Prover 1: Severe responsibility, but no empathy.
Something between men and women; children were not nourished emotionally. Tension between responsibility and love. Have all three children been adopted?
Prover 3: It is a gift to have a son like H.; a task to have two daughters, I don’t like so much drama.
A discussion starts about the meaning of the word “glory”, remembering the slogan on Prover 6’s T-shirt. While Prover 2 had understood it in a more religious context, Prover 4 had understood it as fame, or having won a prize. Fame would fade, while pain would stay forever.
Prover 3: Where does lifelong pain come from?
Prover 1: It’s about the loss of a child. Parents stay together, stick together, but are separated at the same time. How to solve this? Prover 1 suggests to feel each other’s pain. The pain is double, if you lose a child and then you also lose your partner.
Prover 3: I feel deep respect for your responsibility. This process will take time. The liveliness of the surviving children does not help to overcome the grief.
Losing your parents means losing part of your past, while losing a child is losing part of your future.
This pain both connects and separates.
When they both face the pain, Prover 1 and Prover 4 finally are able to look at each other, with much respect. They hug each other firmly, both heavily moved.
Prover 3: The children like the scene. Prover 4 smiles, Prover 1 and Prover 4 sit embraced, watching their children at the other side of the table.
Prover 4 is weeping and tells about the death of D. Prover 4’s son, who died in an accident some years ago. How difficult it is to approach someone who experienced such a loss. But, as D. had said, one should do it, it helps. But it needs courage.
This pain would stay forever, D. recently said. Yet empathy is needed and helps. D. said he would appreciate to get a call or an email in March, the month his son died. And now, we had March.
Prover 1 and Prover 4 acknowledge both their pain and see it in the other one.
Now we all are exhausted. Prover 2 had felt from the beginning, that there was something wrong with this family.
Prover 1: Not until now it is possible to look at the grief. Coming into her emotions, she is able to see her children better.
Prover 3: I can see H’s situation better now. He has taken responsibility his father should have done. From now on, Prover 3 is able to grow up. Until now, he had adapted himself. Just Prover 2 had contradicted. Now, Prover 4 is able to show his children respect, and tells them so. It is even more than respect, Prover 4 says, which moves Prover 3 She sits more erect now, and feels respected by her father, for the first time in her life.
Prover 1 tells about her stillborn baby, who was laid in his father’s arms. It took very long time until he could talk about this dead child.
Prover 3: Not until their wedding day, her father admitted to her mother having two sons with someone. This betrayal never stopped to stay between them. Prover 3 was named after her father’s first wife. Prover 3 never felt respected by her father. He died lonely. One of these two sons had four children, who all died soon after birth. Possible topics: Adopted children/lost children/unborn children?
(back to the former situation:) Parents have to deal with the pain they share, and with the personal one. We feel there is something missing (in the proving).
Prover 3: Better to lose something than never having had it. Everyone should be allowed to leave whenever he wants or has to.
Prover 1 feels ignored. Quickly, one falls back into his own suffering.
C3
Prover 3: earlier he felt as a young guy, responsible for harmony. Now he feels pain, and thinks this pain would last. Everyone should be allowed to leave or shall be released. (German words “sich lösen” und “erlöst werden” are similar.) No one has to stay at all costs.
Prover 3 feels to come into contact. Even the dead child has a place now. The grave is with us. Not for harmony’s sake, but “intrinsic”.
More than respect? What sounds more than that? Appreciation?
Still, the situation is unstable. What is needed? Time. The shock has stopped us from development. Now we feel new to each other. It feels nice to be new, like unknown to each other. Every time I look at you, I can see something new. This feels like cure, which has started right now. It should continue that way, every moment should be experienced as a new one, meaning we arrived in the presence. Like being in a flow now. Good to feel contact, and acknowledging the other one’s pain.
Prover 2 is moved about a recent separation which ended with treason and cheating, and adds the story with her sister and her brother. The sister feels annoyed by Prover 2, calls their half-brother (his father died early) “my” brother, similar to how Prover 3 called Prover 4, earlier in this proving. Prover 2 felt hurt when her sister did not invite her for the birthday party, is constantly afraid of her jealousy and possible further offenses, e.g. that her sister could refuse Prover 2’s invitation to go on travel with her.
Prover 1: Very unusual, that Prover 2 talks about her siblings.
Further ideas: Loss, loss of loved one:.
Prover 4: wartime marriage; first husband disappeared; did not die, but went to South America, to live his homosexual needs. Family secret kept for a long time. This father had abandoned his son. Later on, the father was shot as a partisan in the Balkans. Single mother. Another son has lost his brother.
First step of healing: respect the pain, acknowledge the pain.
Prover 3: one of seven children; lost a twin, which is the strongest bond/symbiosis you can imagine. Feels like guilt, this separation which cannot be healed. Whatever I try, it is (not!?) enough.
Prover 5, too, knows about a family secret. His father’s father had been married earlier. They had a child together. No one knows or told what happened to this wife and child, it’s rumors that they both died. This happened a hundred years ago, so it is unlikely about the young woman’s (uncertain) Jewish background, even if this man became a colonel in the later German-Austrian WW2-army. Only one photo exists of this young lady. Would have been so nice having known her, Prover 4 says.
Prover 3: It is about secrets and losses. To sense is often more important than to feel. And much more important than to talk right away. Sometimes, feelings are talked away.
A fate has to be acknowledged.
What will we need this remedy for?
Topics so far: Hide, perfection, stage 12, 13? (Quarrels and fights). No, we go for stage 8: we never stopped to work hard in improving the situation, to solve the problems, to ease the grief and pain.
Remark by Prover 3: the evening notes show how nicely the themes of the Malpighiaceae fit:.
Being unsure about your position in the family (644), you either adapt or fight (22). Adoption, orphanage or handicaps may bring forward these feelings and reactions. What Byrsonima adds to it, is the strong feeling of loss, child in the first place, but also father, sibling, twin, and so on.
which gives lifelong pain which is hard, Stage 8, to be dealt with.
Discussion
Prover 4 telling: lovely flowers; three branches; yellow and orange, and one between; parents and children? Very soon family scene started. Yellow blossoms have 5 petals, orange ones have 4. Group of 4? Of 5? Colours were a topic; Prover 1 was the Mama, Prover 5 the Papa, Prover 3 the youngest daughter. Prover 2 the older sister, Prover 4 their brother. Parents very structured; mother caring, but not much feeling, so was Prover 5 as the father. Sisters had issues. Not real fight, their were sensitive sisters, complaining being unseen, accusing each other, offending and offended, neglected, not seen, etc. Parents not emotionally involved; Prover 2 felt being a scapegoat, so did Prover 3, who felt not being part of the family; grief started. Finally, the sisters embraced and this part was solved.
Prover 1 and 5 did not feel emotional connection to their children.
When Prover 5 saw Prover 7’s T-Shirt: “Pain is temporary, glory is forever”, he said, for him it was the other way round. What this pain was about, came out, when Prover 5 asked, where this everlasting pain could come from. Prover 1 argued, it was about having lost a child. This trauma had closed the parents up. How can we get out of it? Very deep eye contact between Prover 1 and 5, they put both their grief in one bowl, felt each other, finally embraced, cried, a lot. Just the beginning of healing. Feeling each other’s grief, then feeling the own one.
Then able to value each other, a keyword of this proving.
C3: Everyone told his story connected to not being valued in a family, and each story was valued. This helped to overcome the grief.
Analysis of the Remedy code
644.22. stage? Probably 8.
Main theme recognition, worth, value, led to three embracings; feeling behind was not getting recognition. Not demanding, so more phase 2 than 6. Orphan cheerful in order to belong. Parents connect by getting children, lose connection by losing a child. Not really in contact, separated by pain.
Always stayed supporting; 22, more likely than 6.
Stage? Probably on the left side, we tried to get it. How did we handle the problem? Fought for it, hard, was very difficult.
Phases and stages are often seen more quickly than the series during provings. Series are not felt so much, feelings point to phase, subphase and stage.