Vanda miss-Joaquim
Trituration proving, 22-2-2016, Bocas Del Toro, Panama
Master Prover: Jan Scholten
Pharmacist: Robert Muntz
Supervisor: Sally Williams
Provers:
Prover 1: Male, age 66
Prover 2: Female, age 56
Prover 3: Female, age 43
Proposed Remedy code: 3-633.75.04
Themes
The official start, age 23/going out into the world for the first time.
Cautious/ the world is big and you are small.
Autism/spinning/no language to express.
Vulnerability/fragility/exposure.
Separate/retiring/retreat/withdrawn/desire to be alone.
Internal/external/boundaries.
Feeling of trauma/Danger in connecting with others.
Following the rules.
Fun/ flirtatious/sexual.
Exuberance/enthusiastic/awake.
Dull/depressed.
Connecting and expressing through art/color/telling stories.
Needing a task or to be entertained to stay calm and remain alert.
Physicals
Colitis; bloody stool with mucous.
Vertigo/Corti/inner ear/spinning.
Head pain in third eye.
Nausea from anxiety.
Tired/eyes tired.
Sour taste.
Salty Taste.
Hunger.
Proving:
(The proving is written as it unfolded from C1 through C3. Prover number is followed by their statement)
1. I feel all the tension go away when I start to grind.
2. I feel very peaceful.
2. Tension in my forehead.
3. Yes, I have that too. I just wrote it.
1. The feeling I have is with former holidays. Swim and eat a little bit.
3. Very calm and very gentle.
1. Very Gentle.
2. Internal. I am having trouble breathing and I feel I might cry. I feel I need more space I am feeling closed in (Grimace). If I go internally I feel better.
3. Salty taste on the tip of my tongue.
2. Like I have to find a quiet safe haven inside myself.
1. I have a picture of 7 or 8 big birds flying over a ridge and it is not nice that they are flying away from me.
2. Things are too much out there, just overwhelming. I feel closed in by the world. Anxious and on the verge of tears. I have to hold it together. (Rounding shoulders and pulling inward.)
3. It brings energy right here (points to heart). Not scared, but anxious. I can keep it there. If it came up it would be a panic about the surroundings. Things around you out of control. You know that fight or flight feeling? It is the flight.
2. Yeah in my chest. It is like get me out of here. (Swallowing hard.) I still have the headache in the third eye.
3. Yeah I have that too, right there. (Points to third eye.)
3. But if I focus in on it, I can get a feeling like I get when S’s patients come into the office and are in a healing place, and they pet Guinness (dog). It is an animal energy, like a dog. Like a therapy dog.
2. Feeling nausea from anxiety.
1. Everyone is a little cautious and fearful. Not so interacting.
2. That is what I feel.
1. Everyone is cautious not wanting to make a mistake. We are together, but we feel separate from each other.
2. I am trying to hold it together. Anxious and overwhelming and I just have to keep it together and not fall apart. The people, the noises, everything is so overwhelming. People’s feelings, I cannot deal with their stuff I can barely keep it together.
1. (Sneezing.)
1. What is the problem we are here to have fun. Why are we so disturbed?
2. Because we are, I am, so fragile.
3. But that fight or flight is opening up and you cannot control the energies around you. Large groups of people, too much noise and everything coming at you. The hummingbirds (we are proving out of doors and humming birds are flying around), the typing, the ocean coming at you.
2. Nature is ok for me, it is the man made stuff, the city, the buildings, the stores, the people.
3. Retreating inward is a safety, a protection, not having control.
2. It can take you over. It is not violent. I will be taken over and dissolved.
2. I feel better now that I have a task. (Began grinding).
2. I had a vision of butterfly.
3. The grinding is peaceful.
2. Getting into the rhythm of the waves. Very quiet.
2. I cannot wait to eat a big piece of fruit!
1. You are hungry?? Me too!
3. It is very soothing to watch someone else do something.
2. Anxious and nausea, but better since I am grinding. I feel like having a task is helpful.
I want to be an artist at work by themselves and get into my task.
3. Off the grid. I want to have an artist studio with huge canvases and lots of color. I want one wall just canvases and paint with huge paint brushes with bold strokes and lots of color.
1. Then going out to have lunch with someone!
2. No lunch alone!
1. I do not want to go to lunch with a man I want to go to lunch with a woman.
2. Wine with lunch?
1. Always!
1. I hope I can go across my borders with my painting. There is too much structure and everyone gives a binding that I must destroy.
2. I want to follow the rules.
3. Follow the rules or having a structure?
2. No following the rules, I feel obedient.
1. To what?
2. To the rules.
1. My painting is getting better now.
2. It is a naked lady.
3. What would feel good is to have a huge canvas and a huge brush and no boundaries.
1. I would like to make it big.
2. Yeah I feel closed in and I want to be by myself in my great big art studio and have every one leave me alone.
2. Docile, but internally mischievous. Fun loving, but wanting to have it by myself and not share it. My art studio with big brushes and a glass of wine and no one calling.
1. Then the doorbell rings and 7 friends are outside and I let them in and I am happy and I have wine in the fridge!
2. No, do not let them in!
1. No, I am disturbed in my work, but I am happy and I can continue.
2. You let someone in your border!
1. Yes I do!
2. Are we all artists? I want to paint bright colors.
2. Everything external is scary, everything internal is cheery.
3. I want the people and the company and I want them to bring out the cheerfulness, but I do not know how to share it. I want to put out what I am feeling and I want to share it, but I do not know how to express it. I am very stuck inside. It is overwhelming. It has always been. The retreating is not fear, but an anxiety of expressing.
2. This was a past life trauma, it has always been there for me. The anxiety is internal. A big trauma in a past life. I did not have a trauma in this life.
1. I want to be alone, but it changes, I can have people over.
2. Do you always shake your foot so much?
1. (Laughing) normally not. I have a very shaky foot.
1. What impresses me is the three colors, they are separated clearly. (Speaking of the orchid).
The warmth comes up in the middle. It is a good design. The colors are near to each other, but clearly separated.
2. I feel better, not so nauseous any more. Coming out of that internal thing.
1. Now we are becoming a group. Everyone wanted to be by themselves.
2. A phone could send someone over the edge.
2. We were all talking about being painters of bright colors. Big brushes.
3. There is very much a pattern to this a rhythm (she is grinding). You can see it as well as you grind. As I grind and look, it is very circular and spirally. I am drawn into it.
2. There is something comforting about the rhythm of it.
3. Very cyclical. It is a soft feeling.
2. Gentle internal and sweet. Everything is soft about it.
1. I am feeling outward. I want to be more together or interacting. I do not want to be special or a big mouth. I get excluded because of things about me, so I am cautious.
3. Cautious to not expose.
1. Yes, but it makes me feel out of the group.
2. Safer with women than men, maybe because they are softer.
1. Before when we came into this art thing there was much more connection and more laughing and fun, but now we are serious homeopathic potentizers!
2. I want to listen to what others have to say and not talk too much myself. So can you talk some more?? I want to be entertained!
1. I want lunch!
3. I want people to do it for you.
2. I know others like to be the center of attention and so they can be that and I can be the admirer.
1. A big cloud in the sky and in this cloud it is grey and going into black, big black spots in the cloud. I’d love to see that. We would go OH WOW!
3. The remedy is creating the same pattern of the flower when you grind and scrape.
2. Patterns and rhythms are nice.
3. And when you are grinding and you want to do it differently the flower does not allow you to do it!
2. Are you being obedient!
3. Yes!!
1. A tooth Dr. that is earning much money. I have a sour taste between my teeth and I think of a tooth Dr. with a big car outside.
2. Something about birds. Needing freedom or some bird that lives alone. It is about space and freedom and an internal quality.
2. Seeing people and teasing them in a warm way. Like, oh who was that girl I saw you with H.! (Flirtatious).
3. No sense of time.
2. When I first saw the flower I was aroused by the flower.
1. You were what?
2. Aroused.
1. You were what??
2. AROUSED!!!
1. OH AROUSED!!
2. I wanted to tell S. in private and he made me say it 4 times (blushing).
1. I think this is a good remedy. I feel I want to give it.
2. I feel like I have the giggles.
3. It is nice to do the grinding and listen to you guys. I have a task and listening to you guys laugh, it is nice. I feel centered. There is a pattern to this.
2. Do you like drumming?
3. Yes!
2. I told him to wait until Nicole got back, but he did not follow the rules. (One prover started to grind before another prover got back from the bathroom).
1. Venus, She's got it, Yeah, baby, she's got it.
2. I am your Venus I am your fire I’m your desire.
(All the prover’s sing start to sing.) She's got it, Yeah, baby, she's got it. Well, I'm your Venus.
I'm your fire I’m your desire.
2. That was one of the most popular songs of all time. Who sang that? Bananarama? Are they still together?
1. I do not know.
2. They are probably dead, everybody is dying this days.
3. I wish we had hummingbirds like this at home. They are probably migratory.
2. I thought you said vibratory!!
1. I have a picture that someone has fallen in a black hole, very deep like a well and he does not come out. He is depressed. People look and he is begging them to get him out, but they are imposing conditions on him. Only under this condition will they let him out.
2. What are the conditions?
1. The man is crying down in this hole. He cannot understand that they are imposing conditions. He should make every evening for them a fire. That is the condition. Every evening in the future he has to make a fire for them. For him it is a restriction, but he agrees because he must get out of there. And he has the feeling that it could be fun to make a fire every day. It could become nice.
1. In my mind when I can tell stories, I get more awake. I can drift away and get lazy, but when I tell a story I get awake because I am curious of what will happen. I feel more comfortable after telling this story because I am more awake, more alert.
Supervisor: How did the man end up in the well?
1. He fell in the well because he leaned too far and then he fell.
2. Who is feeding him?
1. FEEDING! NONE! He was found there and he is in danger and he is begging. They are not willing to spontaneously help.
3. And conditions!
1. But the conditions are not so bad.
2. He could agree and run away!
1. I am wondering that such a little plant and such tiny stuff will be and can be such a big tool in our practice! A big wrench or a big wheel and a big screw.
2. Is that how they are getting him out if the well, with a big tool?
1. Yes, they are getting him out of the well, and he is happy.
2. What are you going to do with that big tool? (Prover is being flirtatious)
1. There is some sickness and you can use this as a mighty tool and it can change a life. We are creating in this way big tools. (Prover is not responding to the flirtatious innuendo.)
3. It is very humbling this little flower.
1. Someone will come to me shitting out blood and mucous and I give them this and it changes their life. It can cure.
2. The guy with colitis, what was his emotional issue? What is his problem?
1. Depressed and over cautious.
3. With a little fear to step out of the boundary
1. Yes and needing to let out his emotions, his love, his sex, I do not know. A beautiful blond and having to go every day to the office and then going home again. You are a beautiful flower and you must be so grey, so depressed.
3. The specialty being totally over looked.
2. Are you making pesto? (Speaking of prover 1’s grinding.)
1. Yes pesto for pasta!! I am hungry. Still one and a half hour to go!!!
1. I cannot always come to your fun and games mom!
1. So back to the man in the well…….They had no connection with this guy and so they put a condition on his rescue. Come on baby light my fire. And that is his only job. And he is in! He thought it was nice and he could be in contact. Not so much suppressed or a servant. He made his own thoughts about it, I feel deeper, more open. (Pointing to his heart).
2. I had trouble breathing it was stuck in my chest.
1. There is a bigger channel and air can more easily go in and out now.
Jan: There is a distance?
2. It is like wanting to be in your own place. Everything is too loud, too overwhelming.
Jan: What is the problem?
2. I am very fragile I might fall apart. The world is too big and I am too small. Not childish. I feel 22 or 23. Just getting comfortable with being an adult.
Jan: Where is the fragility coming from?
2. I feel like a trauma or something in utero.
Jan: Try to go there.
2. (Gasp) someone tried to attack my mother! Something violent and scary. I do not know if she got away or not, but she survived it. It affected me more than her. I was born fragile because of it.
Jan: Can you go further?
2. It is dark like war. No safety, no protection. My chest gets really tight and I get nausea. I feel like my mother was there for me and I had a healthy child hood, but before a birth trauma that did not affect her. Even if she was attacked, it did not affect her, but now that I am 23 I am just holding on and I do not know why I must withdraw. I must be an artist. There is something meditative and healing about feeling it with bright colors. It is internal. My way to connect with the world. If someone connects with me through my art. I can show who I am.
3. You connect, but you do not verbalize.
3. I do not feel the trauma, but I know it has always been there. A bigger picture to everything.
This little flower has so much more. There is so much more to everything. You realize you are coming into the world and you are so small and the world is so big and it creates fear and you go inside.
Jan: You retire from it?
1. I was also in the state of retiring. This painting and also going along with stories; that stories come spontaneous to my mind and telling them. I am getting more awake. I get sleepy in the retired state. I tell a story and I am more awake and more refreshed.
Jan: The flower is very much out there and you are withdrawn?
2. But there is the art, it is big and colorful and that is showing.
3. If you look into the flower you can go in there and hide.
1. My daughter’s band is called Rosalie and Wanda pronounced Vanda. My daughter can have a retiring quality. She is very staying at home with her glass of warm tea.
Jan: I see a very shy women that is in a bad way. She says it is a different life.
Jan: You can also see a mom trying to do an abortion.
2. Absolutely!! But once you were born she still wanted you.
3. I have such a salty taste on the tip of my tongue.
1. I had a sour taste.
3. Thinking about how walking through the botanical gardens, all the plants have their own little life cycle. Their own little world, their own little life. Then the bigger picture is that they are all interconnected. Each fig is pollinated by a different wasp.
2. It would be cool to get inside there (the fig).
3. Then when you think about it, things can be so big and you are so small. And then it is the age of 23 that is like, whoa!! The world is out there!
1. The proving symptoms come before the proving. You see what plant you will take. I want to say my mood during the walk I was very out of the group. I thought everyone knows so many plants and I do not and they are so much interested and I am not. I would rather ride my bike along the sea. All these shit plants and these palms.
1. My daughters were in the Waldorf School and they had an excursion with the teachers and parents and they all talked about things that did not interest me and they were all so enthusiastic like you all! So I was looking forward to only have to deal with just one plant and I know I can do that. I am a good prover. I am glad afterwards!
3. I can relate.
1. Everyone had so much interest and I only want to treat people with remedies and not all this green stuff.
3. I had fun watching everyone else be so excited. I thought it was awesome.
1. I hated it!! I wanted to get on my bike and ride away.
1. People are all in the same vibration and I am not. So enthusiastic and they knew so much and me, no! So I was happy when it ended!! But do not tell anyone!! I am happy to be allowed to concentrate on small stuff. Or to be free. To be on my bicycle!
2. I have a vision of jumping in the ocean and whirling and whirling around right now. Like a vortex. Faster than it would be possible to do. Feeling free and exalting, but internal again. Going into myself.
1. Like it is the ear. The vertigo.
2. For me, I am in the ocean spinning, I am the one spinning.
1. The inner ear, it is the Corti. You turn and it tells the brain that you have changed your position. So this is the expression of the Corti.
2. I go in the water to cool off. I’m in a vertical position not touching the bottom and spinning.
3. Hungry!!
2. What is your daughter’s band’s name?
1. Rosalie and Wanda (pronounced Vanda).
3. What kind of music?
1. She is a jazz singer, but she makes pop music. She gets a lot of radio play.
1. I am totally on the outside and others are enthusiastic and I do not understand. They are happy and neither from the knowledge or the inner drive do I want to have a connection with enthusiastic people. It is not a good feeling. I feel stupid and I am dull. You get an envy of people that are sharp in their mind. Everyone is interested, I am standing beside them not having interest or wisdom.
3. Like in a false film or a false place. In a foreign film that is not my world. They are happy with their work, but it is not mine. What am I doing there? They get a profit from what they do. Me, it is another name and another plant, another flower.
(Prover 2 lays down.)
1. What is up? (Laughing.)
2. Not me!! (Laughing.)
2. I feel tired.
3. My eyes are tired.
2. All this talking.
3. Here is Jan, he is like a little sprite! A little jungle sprite.
2. A nature spirit.
1. Impatient with grinding!
2. Take a nap.
3. I think I am out of it.
1. There are two sides. I know I am a good prover, but I am not good enough, interested enough, wise enough.
3. It is that you do not know what you are doing yet?
1. You are 23 and it is a big world. And you have to go out and get a job. I get a job lighting a fire, I can do that. They know more than me, but if I can light the fire in the evening it could be fun and it is something I know I can do.
1. Also in the walk I thought everyone has themes that they can talk to the next person about.
Everyone is talking and I have no theme that I can propose to the person who was is next to me.
I did not feel they were assholes, but I had an envy that they have a tongue and a language that they can talk and be happy. For me there was nothing to talk about, but I can walk through not knowing anything and be happy like the other people.
Supervisor: Like autism?
1 and 3. Yes!!
3. It has that quality of being with people and not being with people. Connecting and expressing through my art, not verbally.
3. I just smelled chocolate.
Number analysis: 633.75.04
6 Angiosperm
3 Silica series: Lilianae
3 Silica series: Liliidae
7 Phase 7: Orchidales/ internal, separate, and free, not in contact.
5 Sub-phase 5: Fun, enthusiastic, colors, food, sex.
04 Stage: The official start.