Mussismilia hispida
Mind
Impatient with beggars, showing unrealistic suffering and need.
Harrassed by, but not reacting to beggars, drugged, exposing.
Feeling of not being seen. People keep falling on me, they desdain from my opinion.
It seems that I don’t matter.
Foreign body sensation in the right eye.
Difficulty returning to my routine after so much stress!
Intolerant, irritated by people parking in a restricted area, speaking loudly in a restricted area.
Thinking that people have hidden reasons and interests that underlie their arguments in life.
Process of conciliation, of conjugation of new schedules that meet the need of us both.
Crisis of place, questioning whether I should continue or leave some places that I occupy, because they are not mine, in fact, the way I would like it.
Melancholy, sad, hearing sad songs.
My life is great.
Apprehension for the future. I think everything can change suddenly, that suddenly I can lose everything I have. Fear of being abandoned (I always have, came back strong).
2 - Now crazy. Walking alone, talking to myself. One day, out of nowhere, I was afraid that the people who were with me were going to do something very crazy, hang myself, something like that. Like I could not trust anyone.
3 – Absurd laziness during the day, I just want to lie down all day, without reading or studying anything. Extreme mental sloth, I do not want to study at all! I just want to sleep.
4 - I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize me. I think it was the lipstick, but that image was like it was not me. At dawn, while I slept, I sent a message to myself saying, "It seems like there are two inside me."
5 - When I wake up, I try to remember my dream but feeled a kind of energy. It's like the memory is coming out of my head, disappearing, and you can feel it.
6 - I have thought about this a lot: in a connection in time that connects my present suffering to an old or several suffering, as if I had a connection and at some point they touched. I was sad and my suffering reminded me of old things, as if it were all one thing. There was a pattern. The standard involved in abandonment and loss of value.
7 - I slept too badly. I woke up at 4:20 in the morning and could not sleep again! Only after an hour. I woke up hungry, and had to eat to get back to sleep. Then the sleep went on choppy and with many dreams.
8 - I got up again at dawn, in the midst of turbulent dreams. Soon I lose sleep, I can’t sleep again and it makes me very hungry. Hungry to lie down in bed at night before slept too. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. Waking up 4h after sleep onset. A thousand thoughts go through my mind, they are mainly things I want to do in the future. Insomnia from 3am to 6am. I had gone to bed at 10pm.
9 - When I woke up at dawn, I felt a pain in my left jaw. It was a very sharp, quick pain. Headache in these insomnia, at the nape of the neck, in tightening, which improves with pressure.
10 – I woke up with a pain in my left shoulder, my sister too, hers very strong.
11 - Pain in the joint of the hand at night, when I woke up. Only now it was in the corner, near the little finger.
12 - My period was a week early. Burning in the region of the vagina, where it touches the absorbent, I found to be some allergy. The region is hyperemic and red, but it itches now.
13 - I dreamed a guy would fight me on the street, and I would go back to fight more, but it was a trap to kidnap me. I dreamed that I was going to buy a churros and the girl treated me badly. The staff at the side bar came to defend me, but I even understood the girl who treated me badly, since she was very busy with the queue. I dreamed that I was expelled from a medieval village because of a political conflict that resulted in death. Then I was with a bunch of men, and one of them insulted me and broke some of my stuff. I called him to fight. He was big and strong, but I was small and nimble, so I beat him.
14 - I dreamed I was in the street of my house, seeing the most beautiful moon I've ever seen in my life. It was huge, bright, and full of white straight lines, mathematical points.
15 - I dreamed my mini dog was huge, it looked like a polar bear.
16 - I dreamed there was an expensive show going on in my building, but then I jumped out the window and got there for free. I was afraid the reception women would pick me up because I was there illegally, but they did not care. They had a very bright shadow in the eyes.
17 - I dreamed I should leave an apartment I was in, and for that I had to go through a very small window. I concentrated my energies and managed to pass.
18 - I dreamed I was on the beach, but the sea water was almost on the sidewalk, it covered the whole beach, and I, even being as far as possible from the sea, was almost immersed in the water. There were snakes on the ground.
19 - I dreamed I was on the beach and there was a giant wave that covered me.
20 - I dreamed I was taking a shower of delicious rain.
21 - I dreamed that I entered a birthday party in a fancy house.
22 - I dreamed of a huge gold statue that I thought was a Buddha, but it was the image of a mother with a baby, and it changed throughout the day (every hour the statue was in a way).
23 - I dreamed I was in a jewelry store, a street dog bit my own. I was angry, but when I saw the street dog was bleeding, almost dying. I tried to take her to the hospital, but I could not find the avenue that would take me there. I was very sad, so I went back to the past, to a time when I was a child and I cried, that was the reason.
PROVING 4
1 - Two days before the release I suffer from a crisis of sneezing. But in a sneeze I have a feeling that something broke inside my throat. I feel a snap and then it hurts every time I swallow. It seems that something like a stick is stuck in the throat but that it moves during swallowing causing pain. It looks like it's stuck but it can move. The next day, new episode, now stronger. More pain after swallowing. The next day with the feeling that there is a broken bone inside the throat and that it is bruised. It hurts whenever you swallow but it is worse with liquids and with saliva.
2. Last week I was with a low back pain to the right, mainly with the flexion of the abdomen or dorsal extension. Sunday it was better, two days before the trial, I was fine and got out of bed in a lot of pain. I awake much worse. Lowering by bending or flexing the abdomen worsens a lot. Getting into the car, lowering your head and tilting your abdomen a little and lifting your right leg is the worst. I have to force myself to ride in the car. And to sit I have to throw myself because hold to get in hurts a lot more. To wear clothes, put on the sock and put on the shoe is very difficult by having to raise the foot and bend the abdomen on the leg.
3 - I'm letting things fall out of my hand because my lower back pain is worse. I noticed only in the right hand.
4 - I dream I'm selling my house. There is a discussion. Someone offends a person. Suddenly someone comes in with a knife threatening me. I had to leave the house terrified for fear of death by stabbing. When I'm leaving, sad to have to leave my house, but very relieved to get rid of the knife, another family member comes in very nervous, more than the other and threatens me with another knife. This time I think: now I will not escape. But did it have to be a knife? I have the feeling that I'm going to suffer a lot, a lot of pain until I die. I think I could die from a shot that would be less painful.
5 - Pain in the lower back as if it were something moved, being without place of so much pain, changing of position to see if it improves. This morning I had a very strong crisis like it was colic. I used to improve with the change of position. At that time no, it looked like renal colic. But it got worse with the movement. It lasted for about 30 minutes. Now it's lighter, but I do not think it will get better. Sensation something is out of place thinking that putting that in place will improve. (5th day).
6 - Today, in addition to lower back pain I have a feeling that something is vibrating in my pocket. Like the cell phone. My cell phone is in the muffler and also without vibrating. I think all the time it's vibrating. Fast tremor, less than 1 second, sounding like message. Several times. This sensation lasted 1 week.
7 - Wide distress, palpitation. Feeling of loneliness. Wishing company. I did not need to have a conversation, no. Just relieving the anguish was just being around. I stopped eating at home to eat in a restaurant so I was not alone. The night was terrible. I wake up several times with the feeling of being scared, of something bad that is about to happen. I decide to stay with my father in BH and deliver my rented house. "I do not want to stay in this house anymore." (14th day).
8 - I dream my house that is made of wood is on fire. But it was like an old house in which we lived in my childhood. I do not know why, but I do not think it's bad that it’s on fire. I think I'm going to get home insurance and build a masonry house. (Felling the wooden house and building a masonry is an old dream but I never thought that it would catch fire.)
Desire to keep the door, gate open.
Offended by girlfriend not using my advice.
Dream: betrayal.
Dreamed: forgotten my suitcase, realised it at the airport.
at home.
Body
Limbs: arthralgia knees, lateral epicondyles, elbows, ankles, worse from touch, pressure and movement.
PROVING 5
1 - I talked to my colleague who called the cell phone of a companion (mother) patient of the hospital, seeking information for the anamnesis, answered a person I believed to be a woman, saying that she was her mother's boyfriend. That initial impression got through the whole phone call.
2 - I'm in hospital, not working, but helping. I tell a colleague on the phone of one thing, perhaps a place, he had a wooden board, with bars of protection and wooden handrails attached with strings of ropes or palm leaves, rustic, had something of African name and that he knew. I see a patient in the ICU with the partner there at the Hospital, and I am embarrassed to see the conventional treatment add one treatment (medication) after another to cover the side effect of the previous one. I had the idea of a homeopathic medicine only.
3 - Night an indisposition, bad mood, not willing to accomplish anything. (3rd day).
4 - Dawning I awake of a dream in which I do not remember, there was pressure, I do not know if embarrassment to something I did not want, I woke up with tightness in the chest, worse lying on the right side, and a vigorous erection, which lasted several minutes, even during the malaise. (3rd day).
5. At dawn I was playing one of those horns or car alarms that played music, reminding me of a song. (3rd day).
6 - We were in the hospital discussing cases, sitting with forearms resting on the arms of the chair, hands hanging out, I had a pinched sensation in the little toe of the right hand, I gave a retreat as if by reflex, was dormant in the innervation region since the elbow / forearm. (5th day).
7 - Late we tried a used car, great to fit the whole family. Family liked it very much. Deception in the financial proposal of the owner of the place. (5th day).
8 - Making mess with the dogs in the kitchen, encouraging them to make a mess, jumping with them, came the Victor running from the room to enter the joke, only he came to me unbalanced, unbalanced, hugging me, we went to the floor, "catei cavaco”, but without falling, but I hit my knee in his mouth. I gave a scold. And he found himself beaten. (5th day).
9 - Night bored with something, anxiety and anguish of something to be done. Coming back for several days. Taking medicine class in PowerPoint. Until dawn. (5th day).
10. I left early for my daughter's June party. Grief with class that had been passed on to someone else. For the time spent on the task. (6th day).
11 - Saturday after watching a movie at night, at dawn began a program of awards with a guessing of a word, I got it right. Fernanda jumped up and called, but before she gave me the hint for me to call. In an anxiety inside, back that anguish, I did not, she ended up doing. Several minutes spent on it and nothing to call live for guessing. She gave up. I kept the anguish. And the feeling, the second time we were abused. Someone wanted to take financial advantage of the situations. Using our yearnings. No business sense. We are not merchants or business people. We acted with our hearts in these longings. (6th day).
12 - Wife with ovulation colic and diarrhea. Fetid foul-smelling stool. (6th day).
13 - Phenomenon in the outpatient clinic, two living contradictions that were expressed at the end of the work, as if intention or impression of invading without having invaded (was invited), not affirmation of the pact, with the impression of abuse, injury, extravasating the impact. Another, invaded with force, the environment, the conversation, the car, with dominance, strength, no decorum or restriction, a trampling. (6th day).
14 – I dreamed present a simple village where I lived to my sister. In some houses, colored, painted yellow, red, green, which looked more like shops because they had those vertical hinged doors, in some there was, like a sign or sign above, written "Hahnemann." On a corner, a large family was lodged in the unfurnished shed, more like a colorless or gray vehicle workshop, and had a large side window that let the rain go (and it rained a lot), wet the children, which were shrunken. We were in that situation. (7th day).
15 - Then I am the waiter of a fancy restaurant, serving drinks, wine too, I think, and they go up the stairs, the daughter of a patient and her husband, and she who is not very tidy, was very tidy, beautiful, and I tried to get their attention. As if trying to show my virtues by serving. But she did not give much, or meant that the preference was even for that security and tranquility. The impression was that I was a bachelor in life, looking for something, but conqueror. The impression of the previous moment, of the village, was that I was the doctor of that place, or healer, I do not know. (7th day).
16 - Mesogastric, periumbilical and abdominal pain. (7th day).
17 - Bilateral ophthalmic purpura, I scratched a lot, feeling the edges of the eyelids were swollen. Light, burning tearing. (7th day).
18 - Very discouraged, without fatigue, in the afternoon, from the middle onwards, until the end of the day. Not sleeping early, insomnia until early dawn. Gray humor accompanying. (8th day).
19 - Sensations of something related to nerves, perhaps, by supporting the forearm or touching it on the radial, medial face, for example, on the forearm support of the car, there is a tingling, as of a small shock, as if electric energy from low voltage went through there, with dormancies locally. More to the left. (8th day).
20 - Pain in the calf and, worsening in the contraction of the calf, elevation of the heel. (9th day).
21 - Very intense itching in one point, at the tip of the nose, just below and to the left. Pressing, I do not feel. The other day, you tend to go to the right side. (9th day).
22 - Under the ribs, apparently in the diaphragm, a hook, once in the middle of the day, another when waking up in the morning, to inspire background triggers, from which you have to stop the inspiration in the middle, because of the pain. He tended to push his body a little forward and bring his hands. (10th day).
23 - Intense bronchospasm, during exercise, playing ball with the boys, getting worse as I continued, improving a little after resting and holding something high with both arms up, leaning on the arms. I slept on the couch, still a little tired and panting, with a bit of wheezing in the lung. Funny, there was no secretion before, I had a cough with a feeling of obstruction, but nothing came out, this time during sleep, I had the impression that the cough cleared a secretion, which I swallowed, and clearly felt the improvement, as if elimination cleanses and cures bronchospasm. (13th day).
24 - Taking the boys to class, I was struck by the lyrics of Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams song: Sweet dreams are made of this; “Who am I to disagree? I travel the world; And the seven seas, Everybody's looking for something. Some of them want to use you; Some of them want to get used by you; Some of them want to abuse you; Some of them they want to be abused.”
PROVING 6
1 - I dreamed of a friend for whom I have great sorrow. We would talk and ask why she disappeared. She says everything is fine between us and I say that I really like her. (1st day).
2 - I have a desire to evacuate, postpone and evacuate clothing. The stool is semi-pasty. (2nd day).
3 - I do not remember where I leave things, I search for hours redoing my entire course the previous day. When I suppose I have stored in dextrose places I find the objects. (2nd day).
4 - Reduction of menopause heat waves. (3rd day).
5 - I dreamed of accidents. I'm driving on the highway and I see a car in the counter that hits another in front, a truck that knocks me and my car crashes. I get out of the car and others run. Too much fire, I hear an explosion and I see 4 people on fire. (4th day).
6 - I dreamed of a fire. My mother shouted that her house was on fire, I'm going to help my father with the hose, but I think the whole house will burn. When we threw water the fire gave in and it was a small fire. (4th day).
7 - I was convinced that a June party would be today and next week. (4th day).
8 - I dreamed that I went to do a group gymnastics and went running and I was the last one. I realize that I am without strength and energy, I feel like an old woman. (5th day).
9 - I dreamed that I went to a graduation and I'm going with my classmates to a farm hotel. I remember forgetting the family at home and I'm desperate to get back quickly. I felt like I went with the others without realizing it. (6th day).
10 - I dreamed that I was talking to my colleague about the early days of adolescence. (6th day).
11 - I dreamed that I would shop at a semi-jewelry store. Had doubts about spending or not. When I decided to buy something, most of the objects had already been sold. The buyer was in line to pay and I had the impression that she did not know the cost of them. (6th day).
12 - Intermittent headaches, like pinching the whole head every day. (7th day).
13 - Feeling that I forgot something, that I stopped paying someone, etc. (7th day).
14 - I change words when speaking, especially nouns. (7th day).
15 - I think a friend is a childish myth. (11th day).
16 - I dreamed that a scientist presented a new element of the periodic table and it was called neuronium. (12th day).
17 - I felt a pull on the scalp and the face to the left, as if it were clenching a nerve suddenly and strongly. (13th day).
18 - I dreamed of a family in the shape of an owl. Larger and smaller, large, plump and owl-faced. (15th day).
19 - I was marked with a colleague's speech, when I said, the measure is the wound of desire. (16th day).
20 - Twice I confused people's day and hour. (17th day).
21 - I change the names of objects. (17th day).
22 - I dreamed that I drove on the highway and stopped to pick up a friend. A man appears with a knife and she tells me to go away and call the police. I look in the rear view mirror and see him giving a butt in his head and she falls. (18th day).
23 - I dreamed that an acquaintance would be tried and condemned to death. When I say goodbye to him, he tells me not to worry that he would pay and buy his life. (19th day).
24 - I dreamed that I could not read anything I had written. (20th day).
25 - I dreamed that a pot of costume jewelry fell to the ground and many people helped me put them together, but I left behind those I did not like. (21st day).
26 - I dreamed that my hair would split to show a sebaceous cyst. (21st day).
27 - I dreamed that people killed others by poisoning. I agonized seeing the person dying and convulsing in bed and resolved to save her. She does not die. Others die and I fear being punished on behalf of the group, even though they say they left no clues. (22nd day).
28 - I dreamed of a parade of carnival and fixed in the word ALEGORIA. (23rd day).