Case Female Age 42:
I have a sinus infection. My throat is scratchy. A lot of pressure.
I have thick green coming out and an occasional cough.
I am feeling depressed. I feel overwhelmed all the time. Work and home and running the kids and behind on the bills. I feel like no one supports me.
I am not sleeping well. I wake up in the middle of the night and I am in the best mood of my day. I feel happy in the night, but then when I wake is when I feel depressed. I must be a night person, maybe if I was awake all night and slept during the day I would not be so depressed.
I am getting divorced.
My X is good on one side and then nasty on the other.
He calls me and yells at me saying things like, “I would have come to bed with you if I knew you wanted to suck my dick.” It’s nasty and humiliating.
The divorce will be final in May. I do not want him, but there will not be anyone to take care of him. I fear that if he wants to commit suicide he would take others with him. I worry who those others might be. I know it would be someone close to me. This is with me every day. He was my best friend. I still love him. Even though I cannot live with him.
There was a lot of sexual abuse growing up. It is too hard for me to talk about. My father would make us watch or participate when my parents were together. We were never allowed to go to see any friends or have them over. I do not know how young I was when it started. I use to have to guard the door when he was with my sister and I was there so much now I feel frozen. I do not like long hair or having my hair touched. He would use that as a shield.
Sometimes it was my father and sometimes it was my father and mother.
My father was in control.
It was just oral. My father would make me give him a blow job.
It happened to my older sister too.
We did not have bedroom doors. And so we would have to stand guard.
I would stand in the door way and make sure no kids came up and my sister would have to do it for me.
I did not leave home until I was 25.
I always felt guilty for leaving home because then I was the one leaving my mother to be alone. (weeping).
My father left when I was 7 so she has been alone since I was 7.
My mother stopped cooking and I had to fend for myself.
The 4 older ones were out of the house and it was just me and my little brother and then he left when he turned 15.
Then when I moved out she was really alone.
In my 20’s I was very promiscuous to try and fit in. It is the only way I knew how.
To be attractive, wear nice clothes, look refined, it was all a lie. It was only about being attractive to get laid and for that one moment, feel like you belonged.
I have this terrible need to be part of a group. I have issues about being part of what is going on. Quite often I feel like an outcast.
When I was a kid they told me I was adopted or that I was the milk man’s kid.
No one ever knows all of me. I tend to adapt to whomever.
Who wants me?
Where do I belong?
Where do I fit?
I am still the little girl sitting on the porch not allowed to come in the house.
My brothers could have friends over. Sleep overs. The girls were not allowed.
I never felt good enough to be included.
So when I am feeling that nothingness, food is my friend. Good food. Food that can fill you up and feed your soul, but soon again you are empty and looking for the next meal.
I am in a new relationship, but I do not see a future with him.
The relationship is a fraud.
There is some piece that holds me back.
He is a companion and is supportive like the parent I never had, but I do not trust him, and he does not trust me. But I do not want to be alone and that is why I stay with him.
Plan: Cypripedium 633.72.02
Analysis: The characteristics of Orchidales are very predominant in this case; outcast, sex, deception and glamour. Again, we can see the Silica Series very strongly, her problem is with relationships. The sexual abuse and feelings of being an outcast and not belonging brings us to phase 7. She is unsure and timid, she stays in a relationship for support which is indicative of phase 2 and stage 2. Another reason Cypripedium was clear to me in this case was the symptom of being happy in the middle of the night. Cypripedium is in the rubric “Ecstasy at night on waking” (1).
Eight-week follow up:
I am feeling more confident and I am feeling more confident in larger groups of people.
I just have this awful sense that I do not deserve much and nothing good can happen for me.
I have also lost 10 pounds just from all the walking and drinking water.
Sinus has been pretty good.
Sleeping better. I sleep right through. There are nights I wake around 2:30.
I will get up for the day. That has gotten a lot better on this remedy. Only one or 2 times in the last few weeks. It use to be 4 or 5 nights a week.
Six months after initial dose:
I left him!
I packed my things and took my dog and left.
I felt bad that I hurt him, but what am I to do?
I do feel I belong now, but I just do not know where.
I am ok at work, but like the other day I went to a baby shower and my family was there. I was not comfortable, but not uncomfortable. Feeling more like being able to be me, to fit in as me.
I went to a retreat. I did not know where I would fit in, but I tried to fit in and it felt comfortable. I didn’t have to try to adapt so much, I felt warm and friendly and it felt comfortable!
Recent follow up, 18 months after initial:
I am doing well. Still on my own and still don’t want to be alone, but it is ok.
I found this woman on line, she has a class on integrating woman’s health.
Integrating sexuality and spirituality.
There was a spiritual piece I was missing.
We needed to bring in 2 objects; one we have to move away from and one to move toward.
I brought in a woman and girl trapped in a doorway for the thing I want to move away from and for the thing I want to move toward, I put my name in a heart.
I felt stuck, but not anymore! I am moving! The other women in the class help you to solve your problem. I could not go forward or back, but when you can see clearly and start to heal you begin to move. From physical to mental, mental to emotional, emotional to spiritual.
Being me and loving myself and I can now move.
That class really helped me. People say I look better.