Case, Bismuthum carbonicum
She has complaints of anxiety, speediness and backaches. Her restlessness comes from the feeling that she to do something, many things, but she doesn’t know what really. So she is busy the whole day make up what she has to do. And when she does it, she always has the feeling that she’s not it well enough. She gets panic attacks from small things, thinking that she doesn’t do them well, such as washing or lying down. She cannot fall asleep due to her agitation and has to smoke cannabis in order to get asleep.
Her backache is radiating from her sacral region to her right leg, hip, front side of thigh. She can also have pain in her left inguinal region.
She has one daughter. The pregnancy was fine, the labor very painful.
As a child she was a goody-goody girl, living in symbiosis with her mother. She was afraid of the judgement of her mother and had a fear of losing her too. This after the suicide of her father when she was two years old. Her father had problems with the treasure, was fired and probably had a bad relationship with her mother. The suicide made her feel guilty. She lived with the idea that it was her fault, that she had done wrong, that she was the cause of his suicide, that by just being there she could kill someone. At the same time she felt left alone by him. This was even more the case as he loved her much more than her mother did. Her mother liked boys as her two older brothers, wanted to have another boy and was disappointed with her as a girl. Her father was pleased in getting a daughter. Her anxiety and depression were always there in her life. But she always could get relieve from the idea that when it would become too much she could commit suicide.
Weather: chilly, < cold, <- gray weather !!, -> sun !!; -> and > sea.
Time: < 5 pm
Food desire: chocolate, hasjies, tobacco, coffee.
Food: < chocolate: stomach pain.
Menses: frequent, copious; irritation and breasts swollen before menses.
Sleep: sleepless >> hasjies; waking 5 am.
Dreams: her father came to her, was free for an hour.
Analysis
The suicide of her father leads already to Bismuthum (suicide) carbonicum (father). But it’s even deeper expressed in the symptom “just by being (carbonicum) there, I can kill (Bismuthum) someone”. Another expression is that when her anxiety and feeling of not being good (carbonicum) would become too much she always could commit suicide (Bismuthum).
Reaction
One month after Bismuthum carbonicum M she feels much stronger. Her panic attacks are lees frequent, not as easily aroused from trifles. The backaches are less. She got the remedy 6 times in two years. She continued to do very better in the course of those two years. In fact she told only after two years that she always lived with the idea that she could kill someone by just being there. And that she always had the possibility of suicide as an escape for too much anxiety. But then those symptoms were gone already. In those two years she became much stronger, did not need the hasjies anymore and can live without having constant thoughts that she’s doing things badly.