Angelonia biflora

22 Angelonia biflora
Number: 3-665.51.05.
Clades: Plantaginaceae, Lamiales, Lamiidae, Asteranae, Angiospermae.

Introduction
They feel isolated at one hand but should belong to a group at the other hand. They feel left out, alone, when other decide for them, overruling them without consultation. They prefer to stay alone, far away from others, in their own reclusion when they are disappointed in others and feel betrayed. The tense situation makes people very cautious, being careful not to do something that may lead to more friction and irritation. They fear that others will see their actions and words as an expression of making one favourite over another, putting the other down at the cost of the first. They cannot make a choice. As a means to avoid the problems they can become philosophical and spiritual to avoid the pain of their own emotions. They fear that everything they say can be used against them.
It can be in relations where one partner is sucking up all the energy, never getting enough and the other has to give as in a well without a bottom.

Mind
Cautious, careful, as with a traumatised animal. Sensation: hurt, misunderstood, left alone. Desire: to be alone, withdraw
Aversion: civilisation, people.
Desire: contact, people, being cared for.

General
Sweat: copious, all body.

Discussion
Group 5: Angelonia biflora, Scrophulariaceae.
(wonderful fruity smell)
Prover 7 in tears, disappointed; deep pain and grief, betrayal, very painful, moved away in the corner, refused any contact, no one would understand; I felt destroyed and isolated myself: autonomous, and somehow comfortable.
Prover 19 thought the best would be silent, just staying. Just waited for things to develop. That’s how he could survive. For Prover 15 it felt good to step in and out (had taken over Prover 20’s job).
Prover 7 was a universal human pain about disappointment in human relationships. You abuse others by asking others, always: “give me, give me”; everyone had deep feelings which remained unsatisfied.
Prover 15: Give this wounded animal the grace shot. It is never enough, a barrel with a big hole, “die kleine Raupe Nimmersatt”.
665. Lanthanide quality: all felt autonomous; universal feeling.
Phase 6, Subphase 6: never enough; Stage 5: cautious at every step. Disappointed in relations: we thought we should have a nice proving; being overruled, being left out; why cautious? What can go wrong? Being excluded, overruled.
More Phase 1? problem was there immediately: Prover 7 felt excluded, left out, betrayed.
Phase 1 feels fine for Prover 15: everything was so strong and sudden, especially Prover 7’s reaction.
Meditation proving afterwards between Prover 7, Prover 15 and Prover 19. The text is in the book, but the photo is not yet found.
So the proving is not yet complete.
Prover 7, Prover 15 and Prover 19 did a meditation proving the next morning.

Proving Angelonia biflora
Trituration proving, Nosy Be, Madagascar 28-9-2013. Provers, Prover 15, Prover 7, Prover 4, Prover 19.
Prover 15 is the pharmacist today, because Prover 20 left yesterday. So sometimes he’s in and sometimes out.
Prover 15, Prover 7 and Prover 19 were having a group already and Prover 4 asked Prover 19 whether she could do this proving too.
It brought about consternation.
Prover 7 felt betrayed, reacted emotionally. Felt so much pain, it was not as agreed on, she was not asked and felt being left out, not being important enough, being overruled, feeling exposed. It was both wanting to face it and also being deeply hurt. Crying.
Prover 4 came in when Prover 19 was already triturating. Prover 4: “I feel with her.”
Prover 4 writes:
Prover 7 would like to be angry but cannot stand to look at us, because we
have caused the situation she is in. She feels totally withdrawn. I (Prover 4) am empathic with her feelings, but she wants to be alone with her hurt feelings. She is better alone. Thinks the others are joking on her. Prover 19 and Prover 15 are not aware and insecure, Prover 4 writes.
Prover 19 adds later when reading what Prover 4 wrote:
On the contrary, Prover 19 and Prover 15 are very aware, but there is embarrassment on their side.
Prover 4 writes:
Prover 15 is scared with his emotions. Prover 7 can experience it all, but not define it. She does not want to be asked, rather stay without contact, just be withdrawn. She will let us know as soon as possible.
“I feel very deep with Prover 7, but cannot help it.”
Prover 15 is also helpless with the situation.
Prover 19 writes:
Prover 7 is retiring in a corner of the hall, all by herself. Prover 4 is seeing ‘a stranger’, who is coming in. She feels heavy on her chest.
Prover 15 feels helpless.
Prover 19 is silent, feels the confusion about Prover 4 entering the proving. He did not want to exclude her, because that happened quite often during the week, and doesn’t know what to do yet. He is aware of what is going on in Prover 7, Prover 15 and Prover 4.
Prover 4 looks at the flower of the plant and says: “It’s the scream of Munch, a silent scream.” She asks Prover 19 to write that down.
Prover 19 starts to feel irritated with these random associations or interpretations of Prover 4, because a little later the flower of the plant represents the expression of an aggressive monkey showing it’s teeth.
Prover 19 doesn’t communicate the irritation (that had been expressed enough that week) because his main aim is to include Prover 4 in the group and the way to stand for that is to stay silent and feel what’s going on and in that way include Prover 15 and Prover 7 too. He does not want to be led by irritations.
Prover 7: “They have no idea!”
She wants that Prover 15 supports her, he understands. She likes when he is there.
Prover 7: “People did something to me, I am in a cave and I was so betrayed.”
Now Prover 4 is angry at Prover 7, she doesn’t want to be any longer with her. Prover 4 is making sounds, expressions of angry disgust.
Prover 15 remembers a kind of hardcore song with the text: “Isolated then destroy.” Or, “Destroyed and then isolated”, says Prover 7.
Deeply disappointed, says Prover 7.
Prover 19 is silent, feels it is still better not to express.
Prover 15 walks on tiptoe, not to say a wrong word, he’s cautious.
Christina writes again:
Everyone continues as if nothing had happened.
Prover 19 wants to hear about Prover 7’s reproach, what she feels. She’s not so angry anymore. Everything is fine the way it is.
Prover 19 remembers and adds later:
Prover 4 said to Prover 19 he is not feeling what is going on.
Prover 19 reacted quite clear to her that she doesn’t know what she is saying. Prover 19: “I feel modest, keep myself quiet, because it is better to feel what’s going on than to express at random.”
Prover 4 writes:
Prover 7 feels she should come back to the group. She feels a universal pain in this story, important for us all. I feel disturbed by the others.
Prover 7 tells that when she went out, she got the feeling that it can only heal when we solve it all together.
She did a great job to give up her pain like a wounded animal in the corner (own conclusion of Prover 4).
Prover 7 writes:
The main pain, human beings doing it toe each other, betrayal, getting out of it, like in a cave, totally away from civilisation. Prover 7 realizes that we are also together in this, in a universal pain. “I feel like wanting to go back, but also afraid of it.
Prover 19 repeats it is good to stay silent also and feel what’s going on.
Prover 15 writes:
Now Prover 4 is in the role of Prover 7, the role of the outsider in the jungle.
Prover 7 writes again:
Universal human pain, we are doing it to each other, but we are also connected, together in it. So hard to trust again; fear of having to go through it again.
Prover 4 writes:
I feel self contained, keeping my autonomy is giving a good base. Everyone has an option to come back into the group, he can decide any time he likes.
We all are touched by the behaving of others, but cannot help it. Everybody is doing it to the others. You don’t always want to know what is behind the behaving of others.
Prover 19 can take responsibility about his way of betraying the others. He said he apologizes for that all.
I feels very hot.
Prover 7 feels so exposed and vulnerable.
I face my own vulnerability as well and I am very much aware of that, I cannot change it. I imagine this mood to be transformed in deep and severe sensitiveness. A common sensitiveness like that could help for a transformation to protect ourselves from being drowned by intense feelings, just be aware of them. This could be a deeper effort to all of us.
Prover 19 writes:
Prover 4 is full of hope.
Prover 19 feels these words and texts of Prover 4 as a kind of preaching. Says he is not ready for those words of Prover 4.
Prover 7 retires again. Prover 15 doesn’t have the courage to approach her, like with a wounded animal. “When others do not understand one’s pain, then you isolate yourself.”
Prover 7: “It’s a universal human pain. Disappointment and being betrayed and overruled, not respected in my needs and what I want.”
Prover 19 is cautious. It’s a sensitive matter as he perceives Prover 7, Prover 15 and also Prover 4.
Prover 15 has a feeling of getting used.
Prover 4 writes:
Prover 7: “It feels as if something is missing.”
Prover 19: “Something is so breakable and sensitive.”
Prover 7: “It is exhausting too. What is the kind of betrayal, the kind of disappointment?”
Prover 19 remembers the situations of conflicts between his parents when he was young. After that there was a similar kind of tense silence, and not knowing how to behave. Something is going on and you don’t know and don’t feel capable what to do with it. So the best way is to keep silent and take it.
Prover 7: “It is like being taken over.
Every word you use could be used against you.”
Prover 7 writes:
As if walking in a mine field, otherwise something goes wrong, caution.
Prover 4 writes about herself (a sensation):
I am aware of my inner pain. I decide not to get stuck I bow myself towards my inner pain that releases my inner soreness and opens up the chance to be part of the collectivism again.
Prover 4 writes more:
Prover 15: “I repeat myself: this is the deepest, deepest pain. You could never get a feeling of understanding.”
Prover 19 is nearer and closer to himself. He has the acceptance of everything around. There is no need for judgement. He is securing everything in himself and happy about that nothing has been destroyed. He knows that it is possible that things happen like that. Prover 19 was aware of what was going on with Prover 4 during the week.
Prover 7 feels she cannot get out. You never get what you want. She is looking for some connection in order to get out.
“I can feel all the pain ever happened since this world exists. You need to know that in order to be able to be respectful, gentle and sensitive, to be able to treat mankind in a helpful way.
Prover 4’s sensation: This pain nourishes us all, to be fulfilled in a deeper way, and it easily also affects us in the same way as poison does.
Although I feel the pain in the others and be part of it, I cannot claim to know about what is going on inside of them. I only have to keep deep respect for the situation the other one is in. That gives us the chance to stay connected, sharing the situation.
Be sensitive and aware so you are part of the game. Don’t judge, open your heart again and again and again.
Prover 19 feels more or less in a church hearing these ‘holy’ words. Kept the feeling for himself, didn’t express, because he wanted to let it be.
Prover 15: Prover 7 wanted something which will never be possible and never be enough.
It is like suckers can be: “Gimme, gimme..!”
And inside, Prover 15 says, it feels like ‘fuck off!’ of so many demands from any direction.

The proving gave quite some confusion, especially in the group presentation in the evening.
The next morning Prover 7, Prover 15 and Prover 19 did a short meditation proving with the same plant which seemed quite concordant and made the main state more clear.
Prover 15: Sudden out of danger, running in the jungle, hide there, and don’t dare to come out again.
Prover 19: Feeling very much all around him and inside, so much. Subtle energies and strong energies!
But I have to stay with myself and inside. There is no other option.
Solar plexus is tense in order not to go astray and to prevent damage done. Inside I am so sensitive and I have to stay alone in it. No expression. Refinement versus strong emotions.
Prover 7: It is so hard emotionally, can I do it?
Am I good enough? Unsure about it, also wanting to avoid pain. Impulse to get out, run away from it, get out of the situation.
Rather stay alone, better alone, can do it better alone, autonomous.
Protecting myself.