Peganum harmala
Remedy code: 3-655.56.13
Girl 22 years old, comes for fear of failure.
She sits up straight, very young in appearance, behavior and especially her voice, seems build up of gelatin, eyes constantly narrowing a little – a sort of contraction or trying to seeing sharp - and she behaves nervously. Talks in a squeaky voice, a dull sound, this indicates a lot of tension in the throat area. Slightly doll-like make-up, the eyes shine charmingly.
Exam fear: nervousness, diarrhea, sweating, palpitations, I can hardly read letters then. Always had it, but worse in the last three years, even stopped studying for that reason.
Had that also with a presentation at school too, and if attention directed at me, when I have to prove myself.
When she feels bad, she goes to buy something, she calls it an addiction herself: cosmetics, clothes, the day after she forgets what she bought.
"I want to make myself more beautiful and nice, I don't see myself as nice at all. Ever since puberty, but also worse the last three years".
Did practical training first, then wanted higher education, the requirements were strict, she worked hard, but failed the exam stress. Is now looking for a job, has a large student debt.
Neck is stuck, walks bent forward in pain, even carrying a bag is too much.
Terrible calluses under feet, not normal, it's been there as long as I can remember. Terribly fast blisters, mostly at the little toe.
Everyone used to love me, liked me as a child. Quick with walking and talking. School good.
Parents divorced when I was young, father had a new wife, who made my life miserable. Father forced contact, still does. From puberty on I have been in bad shape.
The fear of failure has to do with my appearance. Every pimple I see in mirror 10 times bigger than in reality. From high school on I always have that I don't like myself.
I remained a child, childish. I never find myself beautiful, kept playing with dolls.
Now a boyfriend for four years, he only compliments me.
Emotional, quick to cry, at TV or when someone tells me something bad.
Very often, I a feeling as if the veins are frozen, a very cold feeling, usually in the whole legs, very unpleasant. Comes on suddenly. Also feels a bit like a weird cramp, just like in menses. Usually at night.
Sleep very late, but sleeps deeply, hears nothing.
Dreams: usually scary; always about death and destruction: having to drink poison, people committing suicide, beheading, someone beating in his own head, people in medieval clothes, I don't understand how I come up with it. In the dream, I am not afraid.
Afraid of clowns and puppets.
Can't stand aggressive people or threatening atmosphere.
I am very boring.
Terrible bad food, junk food, don't like healthy things, I am difficult. Stomach can have anything, pizza at breakfast for example.
Gained 10 kilos since stress with school.
With stress 'buying addiction', go into town, then buy a lot of crap, makeup.
Eye complaints, constant watery, sometimes itching.
Teeth many cavities.
From 13 to 17 suffered a lot of heartburn, it drove me crazy.
Birth: initiated, umbilical cord around neck.
Thick hair as straw on arms and legs.
Concerned with animals.
Auto mutilation at age 16, still sometimes when angry with myself, usually when I get punished at home, I felt very stupid. I didn't tell parents about it, they don't have to know, have their own troubles.
This era doesn't suit me, I should have lived 30 years back. The zeitgeist of today: I don't understand anything about it, feel a bit lost, in the wrong place, often look at old toys.
Analysis
Feeling, performance, beauty, study, atmosphere sensitive: silver series 5, Silver series. Voice as a theme, problems with the neck, Malvidae.
Silver series5, Malvidae: much concerned with appearance, how do I come across, presentation. Study was about research, analysis of people. Show, beauty, sensitivity to outside world, to atmospheres.
This is what she is in, this is what she lives in.
Wanting to perform, ambition as well as her weight indicates Phase 5. Wanting more but on top of that: no appreciation, giving up, no longer belonging, Phase 6.
Mutilation, being internalizing dissatisfaction, the "volcanic" of Phase 5 6, dreams of death, blisters is all known from Peganum (T. Tirapolsky).
Feels outside the world, unable to mature, unable to participate (like the hallucinogenic state of the drug). Nostalgic, holding on to the past and grudges: stage 13.
Exam fear, (just not, blowing of trying the best of stage 9), here the reaction is to give up, is stage 13. The extreme of the physical reactions fits Phase 5.
Prescription: Peganum harmala C200.
Follow up
After: six weeks: after taking, had cold feeling in arms for two days. Also felt as if arms were asleep, painful when laying down.
Terrible hiccups she had just all her life, aggravated till now daily in bouts of up to 20 minutes.
These weeks she is calmer, less nervous. Going to the dentist she was still tense in her stomach, but no longer in her head.
No longer persisting thoughts a long time before falling asleep. Works a lot, is no longer tired. The urge to buy has not been there. Before, it was: the worse I felt, the more I started buying. Now I also tell it my friend, I discuss it now.
Made a decision to live on my own. Doesn't go into town to buy anymore, that's 'not so necessary'.
I seem to have become more confident. Before it used to be often when I looked in the mirror: to ugly to look at. Self-confidence is better now, but I hope I'm not fooling myself.
Feet: no more blisters, calluses the same.
I also have a ‘predictive mind’, often already know someone's name, numbers, what's going to happen in a movie.
No more dreams, moisture in eyes less.
I am longing for a time in the past I did not experience myself. The aggression of today, the abuse; I can get white hot because they kill an animal. I also see every dead animal on the road, I care too much. Disgusting how humans behave.
Loud music from the neighbors: I would like to beat them up.
I long back to my youth, the last years. I want people not to see me, keep face down, but outside they then bump into me, push against me, sit against me on the bus, act annoying in the store. Waiting in the station: people behave as if I'm not there, stand next to me or against me. That makes me nervous. I feel many things. Last week sudden fungal infection, lots of itching.
After six months: family and friends say she is calmer, not so easily attacked anymore. I used to keep arguing or get angry at criticism, but do it no more.
She can still get warm and feel panicky when people look at her.
Finds herself a bit absent-minded, tends to put on inconspicuous clothes, put on hoody.
No more neck tension, she walked upright now.
High voice when talking about parents: she depends on their opinion, but she is always disapproved, ‘I'm never good enough’, ‘I'm always silenced’, ‘I always try to be considerate of others’.
Hiccup attacks unchanged.
Later she appeared doll-like, smells slightly candy-sweet.
Tension in neck again after death of family member, radiation to arms.
Energy good, now lives independently, works a lot.
Hang to the past is not there anymore, that was more to own youth, when everything was better, for her feeling everything used to be fun.
After 9 months: she was very well for a long time, last few weeks occasional outburst: then throw things to pieces. Find myself disgusting, too fat, pimples, I think I should go to a hospital.
I started after her boss was difficult, got angry with her in front of everyone, ‘the day after I saw the pimples again’. I find myself monstrous, nothing about me pleases me, it's so deep. Beating everything, beating myself. After an angry day I do not sleep well. Nightmare about a burglar.
Hate myself, nothing is good. Neck pain is over. Buying desire no more.
Always afraid of things to come, constantly think friend will leave. Mostly I start crying, a lot, very dramatic. Still hiccup attacks.
Analysis 2
After the 9 months, in a new situation, symptoms and characteristics of Peganum emerged more strongly, the rage, the (self)destructive aspect, the not being accepted of Phase 6. Still, the months before showed a great improvement, a development as a person, less fixed in past, less fixed in her sensitivities. Repeating the remedy is then a possible option, but still there was also the notable phenomenon of hiccups. Origin from this disturbance is the medulla oblongata, area of the neck, still fitting Silver series.
In addition, she is strongly working to put herself down in society, busy with work more than study, Iron series aspects. Repeating a remedy is one of the possibilities, but we can look for a remedy according the disturbance that makes her fall back into the old pattern, with aggression, destruction.
Hiccup attacks, prolonged, is seen and cured before in a case of Syzigium aromaticum, member of the Myrtacae. Fixed on one problem, getting stuck in it, is possibly Syzigium (symbolic in the form of a clove). So can we find argumentation for this remedy prescription, Silver series4 and phases 14, the Myrtales.
Silver: presentation, appearance, atmosphere, dramatic.
Iron: work, putting oneself in the world.
Myrtales: presentation and drama focused on self-esteem, on self. The art, the creation is not the most important but secondary to the yield, take the advantage of it. To be accepted in the group, in the ‘normal world’, as people tell about it when the story fits in Iron series. The philosophy, presentation, creation is affiliated or self serving the place in society, getting or yielding respect, by putting practically it into the world.
Myrtales: belief in own creations, stories (‘I hope I am not fooling myself’).
In the past, she told: I am between two worlds, fits Phase 1, also the hallucinating aspects of Peganum, does not belong (yet) to the outside world of Iron series.
Presciption: Syzigium aromaticum C200 (3-654.14.09, stage 9: it's never quite right).
Follow up
Two months, she comes to tell she's doing well; lost twelve pounds, no longer craves sweets, broke up relationship, now works even more, has started extra job applications, no longer stresses. Emotions stable. Hiccups rare, not anymore severe. Bit of sneezing from hay fever. Nice contacts at work. Start doing nice things, goes to concerts (silver series, Silver series).