11.2 Strychnos cocculoides
Trituration proving: 16-3-2011, Lamu
Provers: Prover 5, Prover 17, Prover 2
C1
It is very noisy and restless around us. We are very curious about what is going on.
The trituration feels bulky, mulish, the burros are stubborn, not smooth, uneven.
There is also some sort of impish or curiosity in us.
We are easily distracted, but we like the place and atmosphere where we are sitting.
We want to know, what is going on with the others, why they are laughing a lot, we want to go there and we send Prover 19.
The trituration is really bulky, as well the scraping.
We are very inquisitive about the inside of the fruit, Prover 5 doesn’t allow us to open it, she doesn’t want, that her fruit is opened, cut.
We are talking about the tree, very dry, only a few leaves and some fruits, very light green.
The hard peel is disturbing while triturating, it is a burden, hard to budge, rough.
Prover 2 wants to manage, to handle it, wants it nice.
The others are indifferent, easy, weary.
Prover 2: banana-like plants, like a ball, a bullet.
It is becoming boring, and still noisy, we are interested in what the others are doing, they are not laughing anymore.
We are hanging with the monkey (in trees), making pictures, searching for pictures of fishes.
Prover 5 she feels very restless.
Prover 17 is suspicious, what are the others doing?
Prover 2 stirring: it’s still mulishly, unmanageable.
Prover 17 is attracted by a sailing boat on the sea, wants to go there.
The peel is indestructible, the fingers hurt while stirring.
Focussing on destruction of the peel, but it doesn’t work.
It’s like fighting against a resistance, there are only two tiny pieces, but very hard.
We are easy going, small talk, relaxed. We think, that it is a superficial remedy!
We want to know what happens in our back, behind us, what we can’t see, to look around, yawning.
Prover 2 looks around.
Prover 5 says: "Maybe we have push ourselves harder, concentrate more, but does not feel enthusiastic, it is still bulky".
Prover 17 asks several times "Are you bored???’"
Prover 10 comes with a coke.
Prover 17: "we like to be distracted".
Prover 5: "We have to care more be more diligent, try harder".
Again a discussion about destroying, cutting the fruit.
Prover 2 feels, that the fruit is panicking, she doesn’t want to be cut. She is also bulky.
Prover 17 begins with the CI, 3.
One stumbles still over the peel.
Again we start dealing with the question, shall we open the fruit or not.
Prover 5 is as well very much against it.
Prover 17 is flapping the sugar out of the mortar, it is to small, it’s better you ignore the peel
Prover 5 insists on not opening the peel of the fruit: "The inner can’t be touched".
"There must be a reason that you can’t open it".
Prover 10: "Perhaps you open it in a different way, with a hammer? What are you feeling Prover 5?".
Prover 5: "I Like it in his hand, but I don’t want to look at it, looking at it is dangerous. Why is the outer surface of the fruit so hard and tough? Maybe there is a secret to keep.
Prover 17 "I can’t stand secrets".
Prover 10: "Duality, outside, external".
We: "Similar to what the tree looks like. Dead, with a green fruit”.
Prover 10: "dangerous?"
It’s very difficult for Prover 5, to go back to the question of opening the fruit or not
We "Why not open it?"
Prover 5: "It doesn’t want to be cut open, because then the "I" (myself) disappears.
Prover 2 feels it only then, when he views the fruit
Prover 17: bitter taste in the mouth.
Prover 2 needs a better place to sit, sorry to Prover 10 turning him his back. We are sitting in a half circle looking on to the sea.
Prover 17:" I like to press the fruit against my belly, it is like protecting the fruit. It needs protection, an it becomes protection, when I close my hands around it while pressing it against me. Tired, I’m dreaming of freedom, to do what I want. The fruit is very heavy, may be like wood. It is keeping a secret, something hidden".
Laziness, convenient, to be eased, we are dragged away
Prover 2: "It is not a secret, it is passing along without recognizing, there is nothing. Why is it so mysterious? It’s showing us nothing, as if the inside is not important, nothing of value, like a camouflage, does not want to be in evidence. Doesn’t want to be seen. Something lesser, that disappears quickly".
Prover 5 doesn’t understand.
Prover 2: "I wants to hide".
He must smell it and says, "I’ll bear you down, that is how I will approach you".
We all like to hold the fruit.
The focussing on the fruit allows us to go deeper.
The trituration should help to go deeper, but it also distracts us.
Prover 5 starts with the C2/1
Now, she says, " is it easy, careful, delicate and contradicts the hard peel. There is the guard/cover. Where is he fright?".
Prover 2 protects it/her, we become indifferent to the outer world.
Prover 5: "Suddenly it is very important, to understand it (the secret? The fruit? The inner, deeper?) it is something hidden, it is very important to know, to show!".
Prover 2 gets closer to the fruit, the hardness of the peel is less important, but the getting nearer.
Prover 5: "The fruit and the dormant inner are one, the same and it is important to survive, to understand the secret.
The scratching is easy, one doesn’t want to injure. She does the trituration very careful now.
Prover 17 is getting pain in the Uterus and Ovaries
Prover 5:" it is about survival, about life and death
Prover 2: "I get something gentle, want to care for someone who is weak, very careful, warm"
Prover 5: The outer is for surviving or else she couldn’t. A very sick child.
Prover 17’s getting more pain which extend into the back.
Now every thing is important.
Emergency.
Prover 17: "The peel is still there, I’m digging myself on it, I like to escape, but it
doesn’t work, the peel is important.
Prover 17 and Prover 5 are yawning.
The peel makes a mark in the sugar, but she is invisible.
Prover 5: "it is very critical, to understand, the fruit fights for surviving".
Prover 17: "I want to cut it open, then we know".
Prover 5: "nooo, we have to understand, to discover it in another way. Something sensitive, tender”.
Prover 17: "In my history I experienced that if you open the secret, everything works easier: Like getting your soul back".
Prover 5: "That is your story, this one is different".
She is desolated, "what else can we do. To open the fruit is not the matter, not helpful. It is our personal dullness, that we don’t understand it.
Prover 17 looks at Prover 5 and she looks completely and extremely desperate!
Prover 5 says "It’s going about life and death".
Prover 2 starts C2/2.
Anxiety about mosquito bites and indifferent about it, fatalistic, may I get it, doesn’t matter!
For Prover 2 the peel is broken, now contact is possible. He works with eyes closed. Yawning instead of crying, yawning to connect with the universe.
But still there are pieces of peel.
Prover 17: "The pain is like menstrual pain, I want to hold the fruit on my abdomen with both hands, that helps.
Prover 5 passes it over, she wants me to feel good and also because she can’t answer the question as well. Maybe someone else can do it.
Prover 2s imagination is, although he holds the pestle very strong and stirs heavy it feels smooth.
There is something with Prover 2’s nose, he starts to sniffle - a long silence follows, his nose runs and we all start yawning, but the others wake up.
Pressing the fruit against his abdomen ameliorates.
Prover 5 is increasingly looking after me, to care for me, getting things for me, I’m allowed to hold the fruit further.
Then we have the impression of: bullet, hand grenades.
We start hurrying, want complete the time, fill it towards the end.
Prover 17 toddles, is lurching away.
Prover 5: again, it is about life and death, surviving.
Prover 17: but not about eating?
Prover 5: urgent, very very important, emergency.
Prover 17 is smelling the fruit and has the feeling of going away, like into narcosis or bleeding out.
Prover 5: you can’t do that, you go to die then. Maybe it’s war, hand grenades
Prover 17: it is better on my belly, smelling is worse, because of the doesn’t matter, death.
Prover 5, they kill people, cutting with knifes and swords.
Prover 17: "it is more female, uterus".
Prover 5: picture of a battlefield, people on horses, stabbing each other, "if I stop triturating vigorous, it goes again into death" She sees dead people, children, blood, cruelty, more barbarism.
Not about simple things and not about spirituality and transcendence as I see it for myself.
But about life and death.
Everyone for himself.
Like Mary Poppins "You are not in Kansas anymore".
Prover 5 is vigorous scratching and stirring: "Yes, it is totally urgent".
Prover 17 triturates as well very forceful.
Prover 5 suddenly says "We can cut he fruit, I don’t care, this is about something much more important"
An old war movie, horses, swords, very brutal, unprotected on horses, battlefield.
Prover 17 ? as in the 30 years war in Germany or Djengis Kahn?
Prover 5: millions of people die.
Prover 17: "I feel like a "wander whore’, those whores who join the armies, the soldiers again heavy pain in the uterus and all over".
Prover 5. Violence.
Prover 17: "Prover 5 looks like tortured and like she sees something horrible coming closer to her, she looks like thrown away..
Prover 2 has pricking in forehead, in his temples, in occiput, in C7.
Prover 5s looks like raped and forgotten, annihilated, absent, soulless, goggling (as from unendurable pain).
Prover 17 looks at it without emotions.
Prover 5 looses her senses, hearing.
She looks like the drawing of Edward Munch:" The cry " but with mouth shut, as if she has more than 3 or 4 terror and horror in herself.
It is very awful and painful to see Prover 5 like that.
She is feeling all the suffering and horror, torture, violence, rape and war. No soul.
Bitter dust in her mouth.
Prover 2 can’t see clear, scratching very fast but without interest, correctness.
There is no logic, one can ask him but he only responds stirring with the scraper.
Prover 5 is lying down, "he is chased, " she is in a dither, " it’s enough, it is good now.
She is full of oppression, it is overwhelming her. She has to lie down and reach out herself.
Prover 2 is now in a hurry, he has to help Prover 5, Prover 10 has to come!
Prover 5 is shaken by tears and recovers poorly, slowly.
We are very helpless.
She is cowering in desecration, all in herself and we all are staring at her.
Prover 5: "Torture-chamber”, chains, ripped clothes, dirt.
Dead children, so many of them, they died from torture.
It is important, urgent, as I feel it is to late.
This insufficiency (helplessness) as if it is to late.
War, torture, rape.
Prover 5 C3/1
Prover 2 has to go on, it isn’t clear right now, he knows that he carries on, there is still an urgency, it isn’t all done.
Prover 17: I’m completely empty.
Prover 2 is focussing the fruit: Perhaps there is nothing in it! It is not important to do it.
Prover 2 wants to do it, Prover 17 thinks so too with the feeling of ultimately, finally.
You get in very easy but it cracks like wood, like splinters.
Prover 5: "Still a surviving battle, life or death".
Everything drags together, like a ribbon. There is still a secret.
Prover 17: abortion.
Prover10: emaciation in the abdomen.
Prover 10: during the war, you can’t get children or you lose them.
Prover 17: but there is the theme of being pregnant from rape or as a whore, and than the theme of abortion.
Prover 10: Prover 5?
She says: "It was horror, now I relax a bit into exhaustion, sorrow.
Prover 17. "Now I’m getting feelings, I did not before, more fright or terror. Now sorrow as well, the torpidity goes away, the panic releases, shock and horror are melting, same as Prover 5.
Before Prover 17 felt no pity, it could or did happen to me as well"
1. warriors on horses with swards, without helmet and suit of armour.
2. torture.
3. rape.
Prover 5: I have been there as a woman, in the oubliette have been many dead children
Prover 2: " One had to be a soldier, it was normal, all men in that age had to it, there was nothing to question about.
Prover 10: cannon fodder, troopers, soldiers are victims.
Prover 17: also the pain in the belly was pulling me together, like the cowering in the oubliette of Prover 5.
Prover 2: "Why do I feel so little, nearly nothing? I think of the horse, men do it, men are proud. What I simply do is: I let it happen. The hero is not lying on the battlefield, is not dead, his life goes on, he sees the dead people, but that is life." He has to fight, has pride in kiling for his country.
Prover 2 wants to know what is more about the secret an scratches mechanically, like men going into the war, marching. "It is not simply a natural disaster, also the conscience about what these kind of people have to carry now, as well as those who cause the war”.
Prover 10 asks: what can help
Prover 5 is thinking and feeling for a long time and says suddenly "GOD, God is the answer”.
Prover 17: NO, he can not help anymore.
Prover 5: people who believe very strong in God. Amazing, that they can, and their trust is indestructable There will be reason to carry on, faith gives the reason for hope, for the light. God can console and dry the tears. The duality in religion/enforced by the church, for me personally is the opposite of "real” spirituality, but this feeling is very strong.
Prover 17: maybe praying. She knows a very religious man who brought her closer to god. "He brings the old knowledge. Jesus meant to transcend, to lead us to our soul.”
Transcendence can help, but not here in this war and torture scene.
During war something like that happens.
Prover 2: "Afterwards in the discussion with the whole group I realized which patient stories may fit into this picture: in people where you hear hints, or you feel that they themselves or their families have gone through deep disaster with really horrible history. However, they do not tell you much of anything. They are too much in the here and now, light and distracted. Not telling anything about what really happened."