19 Senecio speciosus
Number: 66646.04
Series: Hydrogen, Carbon, Silicon, Iron, Silver series, Lanthanides; emphasis on Lanthanides.Clades: Senecioneae; Asterales; Campanulidae; Asteranae; Angiospermae.
Phase: 4; Subphase: 6.
Stage: 4.
Introduction
They have a strong fear of being interfered, of being told what to do. They have to protect their inner world, the world of their own thoughts from being ruined by the thought, opinions and commands of others. They get irritated when others have another opinion, it breaks their peace of mind. They feel caught and closed when questioned. They feel better in contact with nature than with people as they interfere too much. Contact with people is a danger as it can make their inner world crumble. They feel inner peace when alone, like a saint, but without love. Often this state comes from a disappointment in life. They get disappointed as a housewife where they have to do stupid routine work and are not valued and appreciated for it. Or they have a boring job and are not recognized as a person.
Mind
Fed up with the tasks frustration.
Inner world created to survive, a vulnerable peaceful world.
Aversion: eye contact.
Doubt.
Beauty, subtle, versus earthy, grounded, which felt frustrating.
The start of liberation.
Self-recognition, misunderstanding.
Closing off as a protection for vulnerable world.
Cautious.
Stage 4: cocoon; caught; introverted state; closing off; unable to make contact; irritated when disturbed, misunderstood.
Discussion
Prover 3: Hard work, fed up with it; want to end it, felt not understood, no contact with surroundings; had to create an inner world; contact with eyes would disturb the nice peaceful world; would crumble away, so vulnerable; Prover 12 made contact with eyes; ended in feeling of peace; everything is alright.
Prover 12: Cannot express with words; could it be that easy? Went on without words.
Prover 3: We were confused with the beauty of the flower.
Prover 12: Immediately this beauty was gone while beginning to triturate; earthy quality and smell
Prover 3: First they were struck by the beauty, then frustrated and isolated, did not match with further experience of triturating.
Prover 12: Just having to do normal work.
Prover 15: They did not want to be interfered.
Prover 3: Had to close himself up, numb and peace; otherwise would crumble.
No one should know about me.
Cautious about remarks; not to be misunderstood.
Prover 12: You cannot put it into words.
Prover 15: not getting value and recognition; Abused? Used?
Prover 3: More isolated, then you create an inner world, no more contact, but you need it. For people who are isolated and unseen in their integrity.
Prover 12: about self understanding.
1 Trituration of Prover 12 2/3 2e phase.
We all have the idea it is stage 4:
- The beginning of liberation.
- being in a cocoon, having difficulty with the tasks, not only of a housewife, could also be of a prime minister e.g.
- Caught in an introverted state, closing off, not able to make contact with the
eyes especially, otherwise one would crumble away.
- Being in peace in the introverted state, but irritated when disturbed or
misunderstood. You have to protect.
- Doubting, “Is liberation that easy?”
- You have to protect the vulnerability, but had a desire for contact, but don’t know
how. It just happened naturally with the eyes, desired contact without words.
- You cannot get out. Always in. “There is no in and out” says Prover 12.
Analysis
Lanthanides: self recognition; not understood.
Subphase 6: neglected, abused.
Asteraceae: vulnerablity.
Stage 4: cerium; a start; cocoon, not able to make contact, have to protect yourself; no one understands; so better close off.
DD Packera aurea, Senecio aurea: stage 12.
Proving
Trituration proving, 2-10-2012, Kenton on sea.
C1
Prover 12
Crumbling.
Soft.
Earthy, clay, it did not feel as clay, it is earthy, more soft.
I don’t know, indecision, not knowing at this point.
Very dry, exhausting.
Prover 3 argues with her, this irritates her.
It is sticky, Prover 12 becomes tired of scraping.
Stillness, like nothing. I don’t know.
Prover 3
Heavy, do I have to do this that long?
I don’t like to do it that long.
Breathing hard.
Such a heavy task.
I wonder, that it is getting heavier.
I am fed up with it.
It seems like one of the heaviest tasks I ever had, when you see it, it seems like nothing.
Despondent. Inclined to give up, no sense to go on. Why bother so much.
Like a housewife, struggling alone in her task.
A lot of work.
Now scraping: the minutes are not enough, I have to hurry up.
I can’t clean it all. I am glad when I finished.
I’m also angry; I don’t know why I continue with all this.
I want to shriek, but I don’t.
Getting into it, getting caught by something, can’t get out.
Caught in the task, caught in myself also, don’t want to answer questions, don’t want to look at others, don’t want to make contact.
Prover 4
In a hurry, can’t stop. I must go on. I have to flee, but I am tired, they will catch me.
- Heart is racing.
- slowing down, becoming quiet, into herself.
- suffering, there is no way to go out.
- burning eyes, burning tears.
- try to proceed a little more, trudge, tired out.
- bent, heavy load on my shoulder.
- trembling hand.
- with scraping again hurried as in the beginning.
- silence.
- have to hurry, because I have to finish my task
- irritating and anger.
- “what the hell does it matter”.
- forceful.
C2
Prover 12
There is a smell, the same as from the beginning, earthy, comes and goes.
It’s all exhausted, it’s gone, and it’s over, the hard work. I’m beyond this suffering; it’s past. There is the work, which has left and I must mechanically do it. I don’t feel much.
Blunted.
I don’t feel much anymore, have been through pain and suffering. Don’t have to be so focused any more, I can hear the birds, but inside it’s an empty feeling, almost indifferent.
We laugh about a bird with a strange sound.
There’s nothing to say, words are exhausted.
Scraping: I wonder, “Am I doing it right, because I’m not feeling anything”.
Doubt, “Wonder of this is OK”? I can’t put it into words.
Nausea, with disgusting face. Retching says Prover 3.
Looking for words.
Prover 3
Inside again, inclination to make contact.
Kind of aversion to look at others, do my thing.
I realize when I look at others, that it will change my situation. I want to be in my own. It is dangerous.
I am not happy in myself, but it is a safe situation.
True, words are difficult to find, deep disappointment in life, but found deep contentment inside, good contentment, even like a kind of peace, but peace is disturbed if I look at one of you, takes me out of my inner circle, which is safe and peaceful.
Even starting to like my own world inside, almost like a kind of paradise. But it is very hard to make contact. Can easily look at trees, but no eye contact with people. I can talk to others, but not look at them, because I have to focus in my own world. Great distance between outer and inner world. It happens in marriage: found my way, impossible to have any more disappointments. Subtle cynicism, like stage 13, or maybe even 14. Still have sensitivity, can be touched by things in nature, but prefer to stay in my own world.
Secure inner world. Can also have joy, but only in myself, not with someone else, that is impossible. Peace.
I can make a philosophy out of this and believe it is true.
Confusion about what peace and love is. Confusion, that if I find inner peace contact with others seems impossible.
Prover 4
When I’m alone, I’m free, then life is easy. I don’t need anything.
First triturated to the right and then to the left. She is going much faster.
“The world invades me, that gives the hurry. It is not fascinating anymore. The African speed bumps, they hinder me, my flow is interrupted”.
(silent).
Doesn’t know what hindered so much.
I’m a little indifferent. Find it out! I won’t see anyone.
Sighing.
Looks very closed and disappointed.
I simply don’t understand the color of the flower and then feeling so indifferent.
The color disappeared very fast in the beginning of the trituration.
Feel the emptiness.
Prover 12
I don’t know, no words.
Serene, peaceful, calm, bright.
No words needed, relaxing, it’s serene, freedom.
Some little crumble, speed bumps, but it doesn’t matter. There is a vague memory about what happened.
An inner process. There is some doubt. Do I miss something? It is so easy.
Is it really that easy? Peace and freedom? As if from silent retreat, so easy.
Laughing.
It is even not important to triturate.
Different view of the world. Things as if I have never seen before. Different perspective. Seeing it for the first time. Oh, it is a foot, a glass. No philosophy.
As a teacher / leader?
It is not a state; it is just normal.
Bliss, there are no words again.
Prover 3
No inclination to speak, no words, words cannot cover the feeling or the state I am in, so I better just remain silent.
Contact is no danger anymore. Although inner state has pureness, there is a kind of feeling closed. Difficult to find where this closeness has come in.
My being is just pureness, so why bother, why make things difficult?
I can be just a Buddha, but something is there; something happened that caused me to be in that state.
It is important what happened, subtle kind of self-protection. I will never doubt that state I am in, the pureness. The pureness protects something behind it. It is something simple.
Prover 4
Don’t feel so much. Not indifferent anymore, it is just okay.
It is vulnerable, still a thin layer, you have to walk on your toes to be silent and cautious, fine balance that can easily be disturbed.
Pureness protects something: protects my loneliness, but I will not be alone.
I want to make contact, but I don’t know how to do that. I want to connect, but how do I do that?
I would like to have contact without words, only being together / connected.
Prover 3 is looking in the eyes of Prover 12, for quite some time, in silence.
Infinite space. Normal, natural, relaxes. It was so quick, sequence of all the states.
Desire for contact; open up; there is contact; protection is not necessary.
Prover 4
Last part of C2.
Contentment, laughing.
Silence and just a bit of talking about daily things. “We are done”.
C3
Prover 12
Light, no weight.
Both: be with yourself and in connection. It is the same!
Light, free, infinite.
Don’t have inclination to make remarks. It is not going away.
It is what we are.
Controversy: strictness versus freedom.
Prover 14 comes, precise in time, asking if we are already finished? It’s overtime, not even thoughts.
Color disappeared so soon. What is the stage?
The problem is: caught in something, you had to protect yourself and still continue with the work.
Shrieking is too much. Protection Stage 5 or 7?
Doing the work is very light, almost like playing (NOT in the beginning!).
Like painting, gives a joy.
All is very natural; tasks also become natural. Just doing things; enjoying them.