Number: 66565.16
Series: Hydrogen, Carbon, SIlicon, Iron, Silver series, Lanthanides, emphasis Silver series.
Clades: Bignoniaceae; Verbenales; Lamiidae; Asteranae; Angiospermae.
Phase: 6; Subphase: 5.
Stage: 16.
English: Cape Honeysuckle.
French: Chevrefeuille du cap.
Culture: Job.
Introduction
Hopeless after many disappointments, having lost their home, farm, job, status. Architects, acupuncturists having lost their job and income during the depression, crisis. Farmers having lost their farm from draught and starvation.
Feeling responsible for the family and employees and having failed. The children are left alone and not seen as the parents are too busy with all their troubles, being depressed and working too hard.
The solution is to go on and keep on working to forget the misery and to try to build up something new. The solution is to go inside, become religious and accept the losses and see that it is not you.
Depression, despair, beyond hoplessness, suicidal.
Image of destruction, hopeless rebuilding something, again and again, like a farm, where all the animals had died, no rain, no harvest, no money, one after the other had died, no chance to rebuild, no chance of improvement.
Working harder and harder, like an idiot, without exhaustion, forcefully.
No laugh, fun or pleasure.
Stuck, no movement.
Third persons, children, are adapting, feeling with others, getting no attention at all. They are unseen, unheard, not being taken care of. A family, where the parents are stuck in their own desperate condition and have no time to consider the needs of their children. Either they are not available because of their mental states or because of constant working.
Mind
Refugees, trying to build up a new life, in a foreign country.
Lost hope, lost trust in life and God.
Finding solutions and relief in spiritual development.
Desperately sure.
Children neglected, < parents depressed or working and being away.
People, children lost, in between fighting or differing people, parents, who are away by being depressed or working.
Excluded, stoned, < lost reputation, shame, being a courtesan, a whore.
General
Sleep: sleepless.
Body
Energy: worn out.
Nervous: anaesthetic
Skin: wound.
Discussion
Depressed after a number of failures, in managing your life, artistic pursuits. The only solution of the problem had been: work even harder. Finally it seems worthless to restart, which makes you feel like killing yourself.
The child is left out in this struggle of life of the parents, who simply do not care, just think about work or suicide.
Land very dry, dry earth, land, no harvest, no food, animals are dead, like Somalia.
Depressing; responsibility for farm and family, unfulfilled; refugees, was not the first time; had to move again, even beyond hope.
Push through; just work harder.
Desparately sure; trying to pull the wagon out.
Prover 12 started to talk about her friend in California, lost his house, moved into his office; lost that too, then planned to move to Mexico, starting a new thing, but new relationship did not work, returned to California; one fail after the other; she felt responsible, sent him some money; he went to an ashram.
Pure being; no matter what the circumstances are.
Pessimistic versus optimistic.
Want to be upper class, it is hard to realise higher society's topics.
Feeling to fail, but doing as if they won't.
Conflict between exuberant and giving up, failure.
Love and marriage troubles phase.
Want to create beauty in world.
Very dry; picture of dry earth, land, no harvest, no food, animals are dead; Somalia?
Depressing; responsibility for farm and family, unfulfilled; we were refugees, not for the first time; had to move again, even beyond hope; but we will push through; just work harder.
Prover 4 was in between and thus was overseen, like a child in the midts of trouble and problems.
Prover 2 was "desperately sure"; tried to pull the wagon out.
When you are in a primitive society, it is hard to realize higher society's topics, want to be upper class.
Feeling to fail, but doing as if they won't.
Conflict to be exuberant, and giving up; failure?
It was a strange and new experience for me: to contradict Prover 12 constantly, "no, you will see, things will change" and watching her being desperate, and watching me, desperately working. None of us realized how Prover 4 felt!
Analysis
Lanthanides: ashram.
Silver series: beauty, art; upper class; lost reputation.
Phase 6: love, marriage, beauty; pessimistic.
Subphase 5: optimistic.
Stage 16: excluded; refugees; lost; stoned; lost reputation; stoned.
Proving
Tecoma capensis, proving
Trituration proving, 4-10-2012, Kenton on Sea.
Prover 4 begins.
Very dry, ugly, disgusted.
Just sit and do my work.
No pleasure.
Bird is laughing at me, make me angry
Wants to fight.
Don’t want to be watched.
Very concentrated.
Prover 2
This is a bumpy road, not smooth, like dried clay, very dry: “wrt wrt wrt”.
Like in a pottery.
Try to do something, have no idea what exactly. Don’t want to repeat everyday.
I want to do something unique, don’t want to do this boring work. I just do it to earn money for family.
Impossible.
Never scratched something like that, crazy. Very determined. Like a rock.
Start liking it, feel strength. Sweaty.
There is no sense in doing it so hard, I don’t know why.
Prover 12: dryness, what is so dry? It feels like after a war, everything is destroyed. We have to rebuild everything.
Quarry.
I have to rebuild. I survived in the middle of destruction.
“Truemmerfrau”, a woman, in the aftermath of World War II, who helped clear and reconstruct the bombed cities of Germany and Austria.
Confusion of what I’m doing.
Is it meaningless?
Feels like I’ve done it before and it collapsed, doesn’t make sense to do it again.
Futile.
You do something | you lose it | rebuild | lose it again, doesn’t make sense.
Why not give up? Feels like I want to give up, why bother?
It’s beyond hopelessness.
No joy, even when I look at nature, no beauty in the colour.
Deep depression. Sigh.
Do not think I can carry through; I’ve done this so many times.
If you run a farm, we are not harvesting, nothing is growing, so many times.
But I will take some work.
My body is aching, tired, feels choked, lump.
Like 12 children, African farm, everyone is hungry, so many worries, just burdened, money, and children.
Being together is that pleasure? No, a burden too.
I had animals on the farm, died also, cows.
Hopeless, doesn’t make sense anymore.
Why do I not kill myself?
Why did not we change years ago?
We could have given up earlier, when some money was left.
Prover 2
I worked hard; I can do harder. When it is necessary, I can do.
I work with stones.
Not easy to change.
You cannot change your life.
Prover 12: You can always kill yourself.
Prover 2: NO WAY that is not what can happen.
The whole country is starving, like Somalia. It is going on so long.
But we still have each other; we have our land, from our fathers.
Prover 12: We have no land.
Prover 4: It is just sleeping, it will come again, and it will rain. It is not so dry anymore.
Prover 12 is very sad, wants to kill herself. There is no hope; everything is lost.
Stagnation, it is not going anywhere.
Prover 2: No, it is always going on. The colour is showing up again.
Prover 12: You’re exhausting yourself. I want to stop; it is useless.
Prover 2: I won’t stop.
Prover 12: There is no way out.
Prover 2: We have just to work harder; it will rain again.
Prover 12: We have no strength anymore; it is useless.
Prover 2: It is not. Father of the family has failed feeding the family. Don’t look back.
Prover 12: Very deep depression.
Prover 2: Move on.
War between Prover 12 and Prover 2.
Prover 12: The bird is dead also.
Prover 2: Not everything, we are not.
Prover 4: Commuting.
Prover 2: Before it was always hard, but there were good years.
We are not originally from here. We had the opportunity to buy some land. In the beginning we were refugees. We had to flee from other countries. We have no luck in this life. No optimism.
It is what I learned: to care for my family. I’m desperately sure. I have nothing else than to be sure. I’m forced to be sure. The last man standing. I’m the captain on the ship. Struggled for too long. Prover 12 gives up.
C2
Prover 4: The most important is we are together, close together.
I can’t bear when you talk about killing yourself. I hope we can connect and survive with the hope of Prover 2. When we are close together we protect our proving material against the wind.
Potholes in the road again.
Hardly anything / powder is left.
Prover 12: Does it really make sense to go on? There is nothing here (powder).
Endurance.
Prover 2: If I give up, everyone else will give up. So, I won’t.
I have the feeling of working with stone.
Scraping like an idiot, just working. That’s how it has to be done. There is some benefit from it, just don’t see it yet.
Prover 4: The working is as from the man who makes a sculpture. Hard work, you don’t see what is coming. Just scraping of the stone.
Prover 12: lighter, humming, it still has the smell, in the kitchen, cooking for a big family, and stirring in the soup, humming.
Then no more humming. Again no use.
Everything futile, no way out, very heavy.
Prover 4: helpless, can’t do anything. I have no words, empty. Working on the field, don’t have to say anything, just work.
Prover 2: It seems to disappear; the thing I am dealing with disappears. The thing is the hopelessness. I don’t understand why we feel like that. My helplessness disappears when I start to work. I don’t feel helpless if I can do something.
Responsibility.
I take over the work; I’m not a leader.
Prover 12: I don’t care my daughter is leaving. Death is only the solution.
Prover 2: (the eldest son of the old father) Work out, just doing it.
There is such a discrepancy of the flower and the feeling of the proving!
Disappointment of life.
Responsibility, for 10 other people.
Basic themes: food, good harvest, house, and rain.
Prover 2: It will work out.
Prover 12: death is the only solution, it is all useless.
Stuck in the situation.
Prover 12 tells about the financial crisis in the US: people loosing jobs, ending on the street.
Sadness about lost joy.
You don’t see anymore what is precious and what is rubbish.
Yellow colour in the bowel is like rocks; want to create something in the stone.
There are other things.
Prover 12:
I’m as a PERSON in such a state, it is about a personal story.
Being aware of that, or observing that liberates, knowing and experiencing the Truth of our Being.
Prover 2: I feel more and more useless.
Prover 4 feels still stuck. This maintains till the next morning. Then it became clear how important it is to look for the children and take care of them.
Prover 12: There is no problem. When you stuck in that situation you cannot see. The solution is just a shift in how you perceive things.
Prover 2 takes the flower. The flower is the beauty of life, as it always is.
Feel the leaves; they are together. They take care for the support and the energy to the flowers. So the flowers can shine, just be beautiful. That is what I meant by working: the flower is the creation.
Destination is to flourish.
For this you have to do ordinary work.
Together is OK. Relief.